Dear Lord, I want to experience you, to rest in your arms.. I want to be fascinated by you, by who you are. Show me how to truly focus on you so that I will have true faith in this trial. Show me how to abide in you and to rest in you.
God has a gift for me of himself that will enable me to stand in this storm and experience who God is for me.
I have to learn to live in the question and the waiting, without allowing the lack of answers to interrupt my communion with him. Even though I don't understand the reasons, my walk can be enjoyable in the process. I don’t need an outcome to be happy. Sometimes that is easier said than done, but I'm learning to lean on Him, to praise Him during the storm.
I don't have to feel like I'm all alone in this. Though I cannot see the end, I know there is light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes I have to experience the storm to enjoy the rainbow at the end.
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
Friday, October 10, 2014
Can you sleep through the Storm?
Years ago a farmer
owned land along the Atlantic seacoast. He constantly advertised for hired
hands. Most people were reluctant to work on farms along the Atlantic. They
dreaded the awful storms that raged across the Atlantic, wreaking havoc on the
buildings and crops.
As the farmer interviewed applicants for the job, he received a steady stream of refusals. Finally, a short, thin man, well past middle age, approached the farmer. "Are you a good farmhand?" the farmer asked him. "Well, I can sleep when the wind blows," answered the little man. Although puzzled by this answer, the farmer, desperate for help, hired him. The little man worked well around the farm, busy from dawn to dusk, and the farmer felt satisfied with the man's work.
Then one night the wind howled loudly in from offshore. Jumping out of bed, the farmer grabbed a lantern and rushed next door to the hired hand's sleeping quarters. He shook the little man and yelled, "Get up! A storm is coming! Tie things down before they blow away!" The little man rolled over in bed and said firmly, "No sir. I told you, I can sleep when the wind blows."
Enraged by the old man's response, the farmer was tempted to fire him on the spot. Instead, he hurried outside to prepare for the storm. To his amazement, he discovered that all of the haystacks had been covered with tarpaulins. The cows were in the barn, the chickens were in the coops, and the doors were barred. The shutters were tightly secured. Everything was tied down. Nothing could blow away. The farmer then understood what his hired hand meant, and he returned to bed to also sleep while the wind blew.
Storms are inevitable. I'm learning to sleep through this storm. I can't say it's been easy, but I'm trying to keep my eyes on Him and to stay grounded in the Word. He has promised to get me through the storm. It doesn't matter what it looks like or how bad it seems. It's easy to get distracted or lose focus during the storm, but I cannot allow myself to get bewildered by my circumstances. I just need to rest in His peace, trusting that He is working behind the scenes and will make all things right.
As the farmer interviewed applicants for the job, he received a steady stream of refusals. Finally, a short, thin man, well past middle age, approached the farmer. "Are you a good farmhand?" the farmer asked him. "Well, I can sleep when the wind blows," answered the little man. Although puzzled by this answer, the farmer, desperate for help, hired him. The little man worked well around the farm, busy from dawn to dusk, and the farmer felt satisfied with the man's work.
Then one night the wind howled loudly in from offshore. Jumping out of bed, the farmer grabbed a lantern and rushed next door to the hired hand's sleeping quarters. He shook the little man and yelled, "Get up! A storm is coming! Tie things down before they blow away!" The little man rolled over in bed and said firmly, "No sir. I told you, I can sleep when the wind blows."
Enraged by the old man's response, the farmer was tempted to fire him on the spot. Instead, he hurried outside to prepare for the storm. To his amazement, he discovered that all of the haystacks had been covered with tarpaulins. The cows were in the barn, the chickens were in the coops, and the doors were barred. The shutters were tightly secured. Everything was tied down. Nothing could blow away. The farmer then understood what his hired hand meant, and he returned to bed to also sleep while the wind blew.
Storms are inevitable. I'm learning to sleep through this storm. I can't say it's been easy, but I'm trying to keep my eyes on Him and to stay grounded in the Word. He has promised to get me through the storm. It doesn't matter what it looks like or how bad it seems. It's easy to get distracted or lose focus during the storm, but I cannot allow myself to get bewildered by my circumstances. I just need to rest in His peace, trusting that He is working behind the scenes and will make all things right.
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philipians 4:4-8)
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
How to be free
I am so grateful that today I am free. I have been set free from my past, my addictions. The experience was real and the pain was real, but I not longer live under those chains. At times the enemy whispers lies in my ears. He wants me to believe that I"m defined by my mistakes. Sometimes I get stuck carrying the baggage and scars from the mistakes I've made that I have a difficult time seeing my worth my value.
Do my failures mean that I am worthless, or that I will always be rejected? No! I have realized that my opinion is a direct reflection of my opinion of the one that made me. If I see my self as incapable or not good enough, I fail to see Him as overcomer capable of carrying me through the most difficult storms.
After months of recovery I still found my self focusing on the fact I was a recovering alcoholic. I was consumed by the thought that I no longer drank. At first, it felt good to have the confidence to say that I was a non drinker. Then I discovered freedom is not about what you don’t do anymore or quitting a bad habit. It is quite possible to quit a bad habit and still be in bondage to it or the guilt associated with it.
My freedom didn't come when I tried to quit drinking, that never worked I was in bondage. I had tried to clean up my life, but the problem wasn't how hard I was trying. It was that I was trying too hard in my strength, not His. Rather than cleaning up my life , I was making a bigger mess. I didn't have the right cleaning supplies. True freedom came when I quit focusing on the problem and started seeking Him. He was able to do far more that I could ask or imagine. What I discovered is that freedom isn't the absence of something but the presence of someone. The Bible tells us: Where the spirit of the Lord is there is freedom Freedom is the ability to respond to God completely as the person you were created and redeemed to be. He revives us, renews us, and gives us a new life in Him!
Do my failures mean that I am worthless, or that I will always be rejected? No! I have realized that my opinion is a direct reflection of my opinion of the one that made me. If I see my self as incapable or not good enough, I fail to see Him as overcomer capable of carrying me through the most difficult storms.
After months of recovery I still found my self focusing on the fact I was a recovering alcoholic. I was consumed by the thought that I no longer drank. At first, it felt good to have the confidence to say that I was a non drinker. Then I discovered freedom is not about what you don’t do anymore or quitting a bad habit. It is quite possible to quit a bad habit and still be in bondage to it or the guilt associated with it.
My freedom didn't come when I tried to quit drinking, that never worked I was in bondage. I had tried to clean up my life, but the problem wasn't how hard I was trying. It was that I was trying too hard in my strength, not His. Rather than cleaning up my life , I was making a bigger mess. I didn't have the right cleaning supplies. True freedom came when I quit focusing on the problem and started seeking Him. He was able to do far more that I could ask or imagine. What I discovered is that freedom isn't the absence of something but the presence of someone. The Bible tells us: Where the spirit of the Lord is there is freedom Freedom is the ability to respond to God completely as the person you were created and redeemed to be. He revives us, renews us, and gives us a new life in Him!
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
What is your value to God beyond what you are doing?
What is your value to God beyond what you are doing? That’s the question my mentor asked. I was speechless. I have a history of basing value or worth on actions and often only feel valuable when I’m doing something. During seasons of waiting or sitting still, I often feel worthless. Why is this the case?
The world often identifies people with what they do: I’m a teacher, I’m a salesman, a banker, etc. Somewhere along the broken road I allowed my identity to become entangled with this mindset and my service for God took priority over my relationship with him. I found myself in a cycle where I was no longer able to achieve the unrealistic expectations that I set for myself. All I saw was my failure and I assumed that’s all God saw too. I was hanging on by my last thread. What I discovered when I finally let go, is that He was still holding me. Nothing that I was doing affected that. That blew my mind.
Why didn't he let go? I had knowingly continued in sin and didn't deserve another chance. For the first time in my life I began to understand grace. This has nothing to do with me. It’s all about him.
The world often bases value by how much someone is willing to pay for it. WOW! I must be really valuable because God paid the highest price of His son, while I was still a sinner. He was willing to sacrifice so much just to have a relationship with me. “Very rarely will anyone die for a unrighteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:7-8 New International Version (NIV)
But why? What is God’s value system? What does he see in me? He sees me as His creation. He sees a reflection of himself – I was created in his image. He sees me as extension of himself. All too often I forget this as I shift the focus onto me and what I’m doing. In reality it’s all about him. When he looks inside me, inside my broken pot, He sees a “treasure” – his precious son. “But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.” (2 Corinthians 4:6-8 NIV)
I’m valuable, because I’m His child. He delights me. Just as I take joy in helping my children he is there with arms open wide. Only when I take a step back and invite in him to an area, do I truly open myself up for grace. “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:7-10 NIV)
I’m finally beginning to grasp that I need more of him and less of me. God doesn’t need me to perform, to do certain things. He needs me to discover who He created me to be. When I truly turn everything over, even my fears and weaknesses, that’s when he is able to shine through me. That’s when I become the most valuable – not only to God, but to those around me.
The world often identifies people with what they do: I’m a teacher, I’m a salesman, a banker, etc. Somewhere along the broken road I allowed my identity to become entangled with this mindset and my service for God took priority over my relationship with him. I found myself in a cycle where I was no longer able to achieve the unrealistic expectations that I set for myself. All I saw was my failure and I assumed that’s all God saw too. I was hanging on by my last thread. What I discovered when I finally let go, is that He was still holding me. Nothing that I was doing affected that. That blew my mind.
Why didn't he let go? I had knowingly continued in sin and didn't deserve another chance. For the first time in my life I began to understand grace. This has nothing to do with me. It’s all about him.
The world often bases value by how much someone is willing to pay for it. WOW! I must be really valuable because God paid the highest price of His son, while I was still a sinner. He was willing to sacrifice so much just to have a relationship with me. “Very rarely will anyone die for a unrighteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:7-8 New International Version (NIV)
But why? What is God’s value system? What does he see in me? He sees me as His creation. He sees a reflection of himself – I was created in his image. He sees me as extension of himself. All too often I forget this as I shift the focus onto me and what I’m doing. In reality it’s all about him. When he looks inside me, inside my broken pot, He sees a “treasure” – his precious son. “But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.” (2 Corinthians 4:6-8 NIV)
I’m valuable, because I’m His child. He delights me. Just as I take joy in helping my children he is there with arms open wide. Only when I take a step back and invite in him to an area, do I truly open myself up for grace. “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:7-10 NIV)
I’m finally beginning to grasp that I need more of him and less of me. God doesn’t need me to perform, to do certain things. He needs me to discover who He created me to be. When I truly turn everything over, even my fears and weaknesses, that’s when he is able to shine through me. That’s when I become the most valuable – not only to God, but to those around me.
Monday, January 6, 2014
I've been delivered
At times I still feel like I'm missing something with my connection to Him. I desperately want to hear his voice and be guided by him but all too often I get distracted. My Mentor challenged me to recall the areas that I have been delivered from. So here goes.
I have been delivered from so many things, but for some reason this if difficult to put into words.
Alcoholism - I know in CR it's proper to say a recovering alcoholic, but in Christ old things have passed away and I have become a new creation. For years I used alcohol to ease the stress and numb the pain, God has completely delivered me from the desire and addiction.
Being a child of divorce - So many times my parents were on the verge of divorce and I often prayed that my parents would split up. Today I'm grateful that God saved me from being a product of divorced parents.
Divorced with children - My first marriage was on the rocks, even before it officially began. My ex husband tried to convince me that a child would fix our marriage. I’m so grateful a child didn't have to suffer from our mistakes.
Loneliness – After my divorce I felt like a failure, I felt alone and abandoned. God carried me through that difficult season and even blessed me with a second chance at love, even though I didn't deserve it. When I hit my rock bottom and tragedy hit, I felt abandoned but God kept reaching out comforting. Even as I tried to push him away due to my feelings of unworthiness, He was faithful when I wasn't. He was my strength, when I had none. Through my recovery journey He has also blessed with true friends that will hold my hands through the ups and downs.
Bankruptcy - We were in debt over our heads but God provided a way out. The timing of selling the boat, which was technically a second home, was miraculous. As my hubby's job downsized we only had enough cash to make a few months payments. Our broker laughed when we explained our desperate situation. He said not to expect anyone to look before spring, yet the boat was sold in a matter of weeks. A few years later, our home sold to the first person that looked at it and then the same thing happened to my parents allowing them to relocated here to help me on my recovery journey.
Hell -The debts I owe – He sent His Son to pay my price. He died so that I may live.
Depression and feelings of a life not worth living. He didn't let me drown in my sorrows.
Bitterness and resentments – For so many years I carried this heavy baggage – especially with my mom. God has delivered me from this and given me grace to overflowing. My once judgmental attitude has been changed to a heart of grace.
Fear, Anxiousness and worry – This is a huge one. I was brought up to be fearful, but for the first time in my life I am experiencing his peace. This is another one that is difficult to explain, but I have a supernatural peace right now.
I know that there are many many things I've been delivered from that I’m not aware of. He is my protector. I’m learning to trust him. All too often I've leaned on my own understanding. I truly want to lean on Him with everything.
I have been delivered from so many things, but for some reason this if difficult to put into words.
Alcoholism - I know in CR it's proper to say a recovering alcoholic, but in Christ old things have passed away and I have become a new creation. For years I used alcohol to ease the stress and numb the pain, God has completely delivered me from the desire and addiction.
Being a child of divorce - So many times my parents were on the verge of divorce and I often prayed that my parents would split up. Today I'm grateful that God saved me from being a product of divorced parents.
Divorced with children - My first marriage was on the rocks, even before it officially began. My ex husband tried to convince me that a child would fix our marriage. I’m so grateful a child didn't have to suffer from our mistakes.
Loneliness – After my divorce I felt like a failure, I felt alone and abandoned. God carried me through that difficult season and even blessed me with a second chance at love, even though I didn't deserve it. When I hit my rock bottom and tragedy hit, I felt abandoned but God kept reaching out comforting. Even as I tried to push him away due to my feelings of unworthiness, He was faithful when I wasn't. He was my strength, when I had none. Through my recovery journey He has also blessed with true friends that will hold my hands through the ups and downs.
Bankruptcy - We were in debt over our heads but God provided a way out. The timing of selling the boat, which was technically a second home, was miraculous. As my hubby's job downsized we only had enough cash to make a few months payments. Our broker laughed when we explained our desperate situation. He said not to expect anyone to look before spring, yet the boat was sold in a matter of weeks. A few years later, our home sold to the first person that looked at it and then the same thing happened to my parents allowing them to relocated here to help me on my recovery journey.
Hell -The debts I owe – He sent His Son to pay my price. He died so that I may live.
Depression and feelings of a life not worth living. He didn't let me drown in my sorrows.
Bitterness and resentments – For so many years I carried this heavy baggage – especially with my mom. God has delivered me from this and given me grace to overflowing. My once judgmental attitude has been changed to a heart of grace.
Fear, Anxiousness and worry – This is a huge one. I was brought up to be fearful, but for the first time in my life I am experiencing his peace. This is another one that is difficult to explain, but I have a supernatural peace right now.
I know that there are many many things I've been delivered from that I’m not aware of. He is my protector. I’m learning to trust him. All too often I've leaned on my own understanding. I truly want to lean on Him with everything.
You have delivered me from all my troubles,
and my eyes have looked in triumph on my foes. (Psalm 54:7)
and my eyes have looked in triumph on my foes. (Psalm 54:7)
Saturday, November 16, 2013
Draw Me Close
I’ve known God since I was a child, or I thought I did. I have lots of Biblical knowledge, but I’m not sure I truly knew God past His roles as Creator, Father, disciplinarian, and Savior. I often felt intimidation when I heard others speak with authority and conviction on who God was to them. Then I began to play the broken record of lies: you’re not good enough, you walked away, you’re a failure, you will never have that type of relationship with God.
I believe God shows us His unique characteristics at different times in our lives. As my perception of who God is changes, so does my view of myself. After all I was created in the image of God. So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them. (Genesis 1:27). It’s always been easy for me to see God as the creator and sustainer of life, but seeing me in His image is something I’m only beginning to grasp.
I believe God shows us His unique characteristics at different times in our lives. As my perception of who God is changes, so does my view of myself. After all I was created in the image of God. So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them. (Genesis 1:27). It’s always been easy for me to see God as the creator and sustainer of life, but seeing me in His image is something I’m only beginning to grasp.
Thursday, November 14, 2013
Who is God?
As time goes by, I realize that I need so much more of God in my life. On my own, I am empty and a failure. I often stumble and lose direction. At the low points, I feel empty and hopeless. But today, I’m moving forward hand in hand with my Savior. I have lots of questions and still doubt my value, but I know that He rescued me from the valley and has a plan for my life.
This morning, I prayed for direction and asked God to show me my purpose. I asked him to show me who I was in His eyes.
The response I heard wasn’t what I was looking for. It’s just like Him to answer a question with a question. “Who am I to you?”
What? What do you mean, Lord? You are my everything.
Child, you were created in my image. You are a reflection of me. You must know who I am in order to discover who you are.
God is my Savior
GOD IS OUR REFUGE AND STRENGTH, AN EVER-PRESENT HELP IN TROUBLE. (PSALM 46:1)
MY PROTECTOR
MY FATHER, WHO HAS GIVEN THEM TO ME, IS GREATER THAN ALL; NO ONE CAN SNATCH THEM OUT OF MY FATHER’S HAND. (JOHN 10:29)
MY COMFORTER
YOU WHO ARE MY COMFORTER IN SORROW, MY HEART IS FAINT WITHIN ME.(JEREMIAH 8:18)
God is my father, my daddy
SEE WHAT GREAT LOVE THE FATHER HAS LAVISHED ON US, THAT WE SHOULD BE CALLED CHILDREN OF GOD! (1 JOHN 3:1)
God is my Disciplinarian
because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son (Hebrews 12:6)
God is my strength
“THE LORD IS MY STRENGTH AND MY SHIELD; MY HEART TRUSTS IN HIM, AND HE HELPS ME.” (PSALM 28:7)
“HE GIVES STRENGTH TO THE WEARY AND INCREASES THE POWER OF THE WEAK. EVEN YOUTHS GROW TIRED AND WEARY AND YOUNG MEN STUMBLE AND FALL; BUT THOSE WHO HOPE IN THE LORD WILL RENEW THEIR STRENGTH. THEY WILL SOAR ON WINGS LIKE EAGLES; THEY WILL RUN AND NOT GROW WEARY, THEY WILL WALK AND NOT BE FAINT.” (ISAIAH 40:29-31)
God is love
WHOEVER DOES NOT LOVE DOES NOT KNOW GOD, BECAUSE GOD IS LOVE. THIS IS HOW GOD SHOWED HIS LOVE AMONG US: HE SENT HIS ONE AND ONLY SON INTO THE WORLD THAT WE MIGHT LIVE THROUGH HIM. (1 JOHN 4:8-9)
“FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD THAT HE GAVE HIS ONE AND ONLY SON, THAT WHOEVER BELIEVES IN HIM SHALL NOT PERISH BUT HAVE ETERNAL LIFE.” (JOHN 3:16)
God is Faithful
GOD IS FAITHFUL, WHO HAS CALLED YOU INTO FELLOWSHIP WITH HIS SON, JESUS CHRIST OUR LORD. (1 CORINTHIANS 1:9)
God is my friend
AND THE SCRIPTURE WAS FULFILLED THAT SAYS, “ABRAHAM BELIEVED GOD, AND IT WAS CREDITED TO HIM AS RIGHTEOUSNESS,”[A] AND HE WAS CALLED GOD’S FRIEND. (JAMES 2:23)
God is Holy
HOLY, HOLY, HOLY IS THE LORD ALMIGHTY; THE WHOLE EARTH IS FULL OF HIS GLORY. (ISAIAH 6:3)
God is the Word
“IN THE BEGINNING WAS THE WORD, AND THE WORD WAS WITH GOD, AND THE WORD WAS GOD.” (JOHN 1:1)
God is the creator
THROUGH HIM ALL THINGS WERE MADE; WITHOUT HIM NOTHING WAS MADE THAT HAS BEEN MADE. (JOHN 1:3)
God is righteous
“For the LORD is righteous, he loves justice; the upright will see his face.” (Psalm 11:7)
God is the light
“The true light that gives light to everyone was coming into the world.” (John 1:9)
God is my healer
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” (Psalm 147:3)
God is spirit
God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth. (John 4:24)
God is my provider
And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:19)
God is my teacher
Show me your ways, LORD, teach me your paths. (Psalm 25:4)
But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.(John 14:26)
God is my restorer
But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,’ declares the Lord,(Jeremiah 30:17)
God is good Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good His love endures forever. (Psalm 136:1)
God is all knowing
Great is our Lord and mighty in power; his understanding has no limit. (Psalm 147:5)
This morning, I prayed for direction and asked God to show me my purpose. I asked him to show me who I was in His eyes.
The response I heard wasn’t what I was looking for. It’s just like Him to answer a question with a question. “Who am I to you?”
What? What do you mean, Lord? You are my everything.
Child, you were created in my image. You are a reflection of me. You must know who I am in order to discover who you are.
God is my Savior
GOD IS OUR REFUGE AND STRENGTH, AN EVER-PRESENT HELP IN TROUBLE. (PSALM 46:1)
MY PROTECTOR
MY FATHER, WHO HAS GIVEN THEM TO ME, IS GREATER THAN ALL; NO ONE CAN SNATCH THEM OUT OF MY FATHER’S HAND. (JOHN 10:29)
MY COMFORTER
YOU WHO ARE MY COMFORTER IN SORROW, MY HEART IS FAINT WITHIN ME.(JEREMIAH 8:18)
God is my father, my daddy
SEE WHAT GREAT LOVE THE FATHER HAS LAVISHED ON US, THAT WE SHOULD BE CALLED CHILDREN OF GOD! (1 JOHN 3:1)
God is my Disciplinarian
because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son (Hebrews 12:6)
God is my strength
“THE LORD IS MY STRENGTH AND MY SHIELD; MY HEART TRUSTS IN HIM, AND HE HELPS ME.” (PSALM 28:7)
“HE GIVES STRENGTH TO THE WEARY AND INCREASES THE POWER OF THE WEAK. EVEN YOUTHS GROW TIRED AND WEARY AND YOUNG MEN STUMBLE AND FALL; BUT THOSE WHO HOPE IN THE LORD WILL RENEW THEIR STRENGTH. THEY WILL SOAR ON WINGS LIKE EAGLES; THEY WILL RUN AND NOT GROW WEARY, THEY WILL WALK AND NOT BE FAINT.” (ISAIAH 40:29-31)
God is love
WHOEVER DOES NOT LOVE DOES NOT KNOW GOD, BECAUSE GOD IS LOVE. THIS IS HOW GOD SHOWED HIS LOVE AMONG US: HE SENT HIS ONE AND ONLY SON INTO THE WORLD THAT WE MIGHT LIVE THROUGH HIM. (1 JOHN 4:8-9)
“FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD THAT HE GAVE HIS ONE AND ONLY SON, THAT WHOEVER BELIEVES IN HIM SHALL NOT PERISH BUT HAVE ETERNAL LIFE.” (JOHN 3:16)
God is Faithful
GOD IS FAITHFUL, WHO HAS CALLED YOU INTO FELLOWSHIP WITH HIS SON, JESUS CHRIST OUR LORD. (1 CORINTHIANS 1:9)
God is my friend
AND THE SCRIPTURE WAS FULFILLED THAT SAYS, “ABRAHAM BELIEVED GOD, AND IT WAS CREDITED TO HIM AS RIGHTEOUSNESS,”[A] AND HE WAS CALLED GOD’S FRIEND. (JAMES 2:23)
God is Holy
HOLY, HOLY, HOLY IS THE LORD ALMIGHTY; THE WHOLE EARTH IS FULL OF HIS GLORY. (ISAIAH 6:3)
God is the Word
“IN THE BEGINNING WAS THE WORD, AND THE WORD WAS WITH GOD, AND THE WORD WAS GOD.” (JOHN 1:1)
God is the creator
THROUGH HIM ALL THINGS WERE MADE; WITHOUT HIM NOTHING WAS MADE THAT HAS BEEN MADE. (JOHN 1:3)
God is righteous
“For the LORD is righteous, he loves justice; the upright will see his face.” (Psalm 11:7)
God is the light
“The true light that gives light to everyone was coming into the world.” (John 1:9)
God is my healer
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” (Psalm 147:3)
God is spirit
God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth. (John 4:24)
God is my provider
And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:19)
God is my teacher
Show me your ways, LORD, teach me your paths. (Psalm 25:4)
But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.(John 14:26)
God is my restorer
But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,’ declares the Lord,(Jeremiah 30:17)
God is good Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good His love endures forever. (Psalm 136:1)
God is all knowing
Great is our Lord and mighty in power; his understanding has no limit. (Psalm 147:5)
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Is it scriptural to avoid alcohol?
Today I got into a discussion with someone that doesn't know my story. I quickly realized they were not a safe person and didn't feel the need to share my thoughts. Then the jabbing question came....
"you who have a problem with alcohol, what scripture do you have to support your position?"
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Hearing His voice
Sitting here in silence, I strain my ears to hear that still small voice. I long to hear His voice, but all too often I miss it. The chaos of the day ahead is already echoing in my mind: lessons to be taught, bills to paid, and all the needs only a mommy can meet. It’s so easy to lose focus and get distracted in the business of life. John 10:27 says, “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.”
When my daughters first started talking, the world around me faded. All that mattered was hearing and understanding what they were trying to say. All distractions were tuned out as I strained to hear the only voice that mattered. I remember the sadness I felt if I missed hearing their new words for the first time. There was a sense of urgency as I rushed home to hear their new words first hand.
I have these same feeling today. As I look around I keep meeting women that have learned to hear His voice in way I seldom hear. I’m tired of missing the precious words of my Savior. I know He is talking, but for some reason I’m not tuned in. “Be still and Know that I am God,” (Psalm 46:10). I’m trying to slow down and be intentional about listening to His Words & truly hearing His voice,.
Father God, I know that when I seek you, I will find you when I search for you with my whole heart (Jeremiah 29:11). Guide me on this journey to knowing you more. Help me to set aside what I think I know, so that I can fully know you. Take away anything in my life that is holding me down. Search me [thoroughly], O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there is any wicked or hurtful way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139:23-24) ow you.
When my daughters first started talking, the world around me faded. All that mattered was hearing and understanding what they were trying to say. All distractions were tuned out as I strained to hear the only voice that mattered. I remember the sadness I felt if I missed hearing their new words for the first time. There was a sense of urgency as I rushed home to hear their new words first hand.
I have these same feeling today. As I look around I keep meeting women that have learned to hear His voice in way I seldom hear. I’m tired of missing the precious words of my Savior. I know He is talking, but for some reason I’m not tuned in. “Be still and Know that I am God,” (Psalm 46:10). I’m trying to slow down and be intentional about listening to His Words & truly hearing His voice,.
Father God, I know that when I seek you, I will find you when I search for you with my whole heart (Jeremiah 29:11). Guide me on this journey to knowing you more. Help me to set aside what I think I know, so that I can fully know you. Take away anything in my life that is holding me down. Search me [thoroughly], O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there is any wicked or hurtful way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139:23-24) ow you.
Monday, October 14, 2013
Unfailing Love - Christ Tomlin
Sometimes I feel there is something important missing from my prayer life. It’s like I’m going through the motions rather than truly connecting. I know that part of this is an attack. There is always a heaviness around the time I’m sharing my testimony, but I still feel like the disciples when they said “Teach us to pray” (Luke 11:1).
I also know I have a history of relying on myself. I was taught from an early age to be independent and take care of myself, but this self-reliance developed into an attitude of arrogance. How many times have I turned things over to God, only to take it back and do things my way? What I a mess I made, trying to control my life! I believe God allows us to experience trials (he doesn’t cause them) so that we come to know Him better and rely on Him. It’s during some of the roughest storms that I’ve
I also know I have a history of relying on myself. I was taught from an early age to be independent and take care of myself, but this self-reliance developed into an attitude of arrogance. How many times have I turned things over to God, only to take it back and do things my way? What I a mess I made, trying to control my life! I believe God allows us to experience trials (he doesn’t cause them) so that we come to know Him better and rely on Him. It’s during some of the roughest storms that I’ve
Saturday, October 12, 2013
Something in my Eye
This
morning I went to the eye doctor. For
the past week my eye has been bothering me. It was itchy, watery, and felt like
something was trapped under the eyelid.
I tried flushing it out several times, but nothing helped. I decided to over-look it for a few days,
maybe it would heal itself. Denying I
had a problem didn’t work out well, so this morning I finally sought help. The doctor quickly identified the problem, a
small speck in my eye. For those of you
that know me, I get a bit sarcastic. The doctor and I were both laughing as he
tried to remove it. I was still laughing
when he said he would apply a local anesthetic to my eye and do a simple
surgery to remove the speck. Then, I
realized he was serious. Evidently that
small speck I had been ignoring, embedded itself under the surface of my
eye. OUCH! Now my eye is scratched and has an open wound
from the removal process.
Why
did I overlook this speck? It was so small I couldn’t see it and self-examination
didn’t reveal a problem. I needed help, but didn’t reach out. When I finally did, the small problem had grown
into a much bigger problem.
Jesus tells
us to first take the plank out of your own eye,
and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. The thing is, sometimes we need to help identifying the
problem. I’m so thankful for my
accountability team. They are there to
help me take inventory of my life and clear away the obstructions. They help me see more clearly.
Friday, October 11, 2013
Open Me
I’m sitting here today so grateful for all that I have been blessed with and delivered from. There is a new level of excitement and hunger about me. I’m ready to dig even deeper. I truly want to become more like Him and develop my relationship with Him beyond what I’ve known. My desire is to grow in intimacy with my Savior. I know in turn that will overflow into the lives of those I'm sponsoring/ mentoring.
I've decided to enter a Christian mentor-coaching program. I want someone to walk along side me on this journey and challenge me to dig deeper and help me to mature in my walk. It's time "grow up in my salvation" & learn tools in maintaining a conscious contact with God. Sometimes, OK alot of the time, I get tunnel vision and need someone to help me regain focus & look at things from a different perspective. I desire this type of mentorship and know that God wants to brighten my light in way that He can use me more. Please pray for me during this season, I'm expectant of great things.
I've decided to enter a Christian mentor-coaching program. I want someone to walk along side me on this journey and challenge me to dig deeper and help me to mature in my walk. It's time "grow up in my salvation" & learn tools in maintaining a conscious contact with God. Sometimes, OK alot of the time, I get tunnel vision and need someone to help me regain focus & look at things from a different perspective. I desire this type of mentorship and know that God wants to brighten my light in way that He can use me more. Please pray for me during this season, I'm expectant of great things.
Thursday, October 10, 2013
My Accountability Team
For so many years I lived by my strength trying to maintain my “perfect image.” I loved God and desired to serve Him with my life, but somehow my vision got blurred. My life became more focused on what I was doing than who I was doing it for. My service took priority over my devotion. What started out as a refreshing splash of water eventually turned into a downpour and before I realized it, I was in over my head.
Looking back, I see the warning signs. At one point I even reached out for help, but I thought my life was too messy. My pride kicked in and I was determined to fix things on my own. But I couldn’t, I didn’t have the strength. My life was out of balance because I had stretched myself too thin. As my life spiraled out of control, there was no one there to hold me up. Why? Because I never let anyone past that perfect image I worked so hard to maintain. One of the biggest blessings of Celebrate Recovery is that I now have a team of women that I can lead on when future storms come my way. I love my Celebrate Recovery forever family.
Looking back, I see the warning signs. At one point I even reached out for help, but I thought my life was too messy. My pride kicked in and I was determined to fix things on my own. But I couldn’t, I didn’t have the strength. My life was out of balance because I had stretched myself too thin. As my life spiraled out of control, there was no one there to hold me up. Why? Because I never let anyone past that perfect image I worked so hard to maintain. One of the biggest blessings of Celebrate Recovery is that I now have a team of women that I can lead on when future storms come my way. I love my Celebrate Recovery forever family.
For lack of guidance a nation falls,
but victory is won through many advisers.
Proverbs 11:14
Monday, October 7, 2013
The Way home - A Princess Story (By Max Lucado).
Today, during our homeschool day, we read The Way Home a Princess Story by Max Lucado. Wow. It brought tears to my eyes as I related to the princess that had wandered off. I felt like I was reading my testimony in the format of a children’s book. The story is about Princess Ann, a girl that was adopted into royalty but still intrigued by the land beyond her castle walls. She sets off to explore a world not meant for a daughter of the king. It’s hard to imagine someone slipping or choosing to leave a palace, but it happened to me. As I was looking for respite from a busy life, I strayed from the right path.
The enemy gets Anna alone and entices her. All too soon she found herself entrapped by the forest; she was lost. She found the consequences more than she could bare. Only a few years ago I found myself in a place where I too was in over my head. For me, what started off as a refreshing splash of cold water, quickly turned into a downpour. I isolated myself from others. I built walls to hide my depression, worries, and alcohol usage. I felt the need to masquerade through life pretending to have it all together. This isolation caused a void that led me deeper into to depression, resulting in the vicious cycle of needing one more glass. Thus, my abuse of alcohol began.
But her father, the king, wouldn’t let her slip away that easily. He was determined to find her and rescue her. People were shocked that the king was willing to go into the forest to find her. They judged her because she chose to leave. How could a Christian knowingly continue in the sin of drunkenness? There is no way a Christian could be controlled by an addiction. "The worries of life, the deceitfulness of wealth, and the desires for other things come in and make us unfruitful"(Luke 4:19). Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death."(James 1:14-15).
I love the king’s response, “She has been my daughter much longer than she has been with them.” The king was willing to do whatever it took to rescue her. That kind of reminds me of the parable of leaving the 99 to find the one sheep that wandered off. God still sees value in the one that wanders off!
The king eventually finds Anna and invites her to come home, but she just stands there in shame. I chose this. I deserve this. My sins are too great. All lies that enemy kept whispering to me, trying to keep me down.
“But you weren’t made for this,” replies the king. The creator of the Universe kept calling out to me because He still lovesd me. Nothing can separate us from the love of God.
The king sacrifices his life for her freedom. God sent His Son to pay the price for me. “If we are faithless, he remains faithful, for he cannot disown himself” (2 Timothy 2:13). Wow, I love that verse.
Anna didn’t understand, “I can’t go back. I don’t know the way.” When I stepped out of denial, my life was disorganized and all over the place. It was like a huge jigsaw puzzle, with all the pieces scattered on the table. It was so overwhelming.
“Stay with me,” the father invited. “I’ll show you the way home.” I didn’t realize God was sitting next to me, helping me put the puzzle together. He led me home. Today, the story of my life is no longer defined by the mistakes I made. It’s about the grace and unconditional, never giving up love of my Savior and how he was willing to do whatever it took to get my attention & rescue me.
The enemy gets Anna alone and entices her. All too soon she found herself entrapped by the forest; she was lost. She found the consequences more than she could bare. Only a few years ago I found myself in a place where I too was in over my head. For me, what started off as a refreshing splash of cold water, quickly turned into a downpour. I isolated myself from others. I built walls to hide my depression, worries, and alcohol usage. I felt the need to masquerade through life pretending to have it all together. This isolation caused a void that led me deeper into to depression, resulting in the vicious cycle of needing one more glass. Thus, my abuse of alcohol began.
But her father, the king, wouldn’t let her slip away that easily. He was determined to find her and rescue her. People were shocked that the king was willing to go into the forest to find her. They judged her because she chose to leave. How could a Christian knowingly continue in the sin of drunkenness? There is no way a Christian could be controlled by an addiction. "The worries of life, the deceitfulness of wealth, and the desires for other things come in and make us unfruitful"(Luke 4:19). Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death."(James 1:14-15).
I love the king’s response, “She has been my daughter much longer than she has been with them.” The king was willing to do whatever it took to rescue her. That kind of reminds me of the parable of leaving the 99 to find the one sheep that wandered off. God still sees value in the one that wanders off!
The king eventually finds Anna and invites her to come home, but she just stands there in shame. I chose this. I deserve this. My sins are too great. All lies that enemy kept whispering to me, trying to keep me down.
“But you weren’t made for this,” replies the king. The creator of the Universe kept calling out to me because He still lovesd me. Nothing can separate us from the love of God.
The king sacrifices his life for her freedom. God sent His Son to pay the price for me. “If we are faithless, he remains faithful, for he cannot disown himself” (2 Timothy 2:13). Wow, I love that verse.
Anna didn’t understand, “I can’t go back. I don’t know the way.” When I stepped out of denial, my life was disorganized and all over the place. It was like a huge jigsaw puzzle, with all the pieces scattered on the table. It was so overwhelming.
“Stay with me,” the father invited. “I’ll show you the way home.” I didn’t realize God was sitting next to me, helping me put the puzzle together. He led me home. Today, the story of my life is no longer defined by the mistakes I made. It’s about the grace and unconditional, never giving up love of my Savior and how he was willing to do whatever it took to get my attention & rescue me.
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Whom shall I fear
A few months ago I attended a prayer meeting where a lady said she saw a path in front of me with many obstacles. Some of the obstacles were bigger and heavier than others. She said God was going before me moving those obstacles out of the way. How true this is in my life. There were so many obstacles that God moved out of the way. Even when I thought God had abandoned me, He was
Saturday, October 5, 2013
Another testimony
Last night I gave my testimony again. Throughout the day, I was full of peace. Praise God. I’m amazed at how he is transforming me. I will admit I was taken back when I saw my sponsor’s empty seat. It was the first time I’ve attended her CR since her passing. I got a little choked up talking about her, but I looked for comfort to the ladies that came to support me. I have truly been blessed by an amazing support team. I'm so thankful for His peace that surpasses all understanding that directed me this evening. I’m beginning to understand that my testimony isn’t really about me at all. It’s about the grace and unconditional, never giving up love of my Savior and how he was willing to do whatever it took to get my attention & rescue me.
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Slowing Down
All too often my thoughts drift in the wrong direction and take me down the path of negativity and doubt. I don’t understand why I keep falling into this same old pattern. I need to shift my thoughts to His thoughts rather than mine. How do I truly take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ? I know that He has not given me a spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7). But if I truly believed this I wouldn’t keep giving Him areas and then taking them back. All too often I turn things over to Him only to get in His way a short time later. I desperately need to start standing on the Word of God and not allow myself to caught in the web of deception.
The key is balance. Last year I was sheltered in my "recovery bubble." Now that I'm venturing out again, I struggle with balance. I know that I cannot allow myself to get distracted in the business of life, my relationship with my Savior must come first. I have found myself back in place where serving has become too much of a priority. I need to find the proper balance in this area too. I cannot do this on my own, and I don't want to try living life on empty again. So today I'm stepping back a little and making sure that I'm taking time to refuel.
The key is balance. Last year I was sheltered in my "recovery bubble." Now that I'm venturing out again, I struggle with balance. I know that I cannot allow myself to get distracted in the business of life, my relationship with my Savior must come first. I have found myself back in place where serving has become too much of a priority. I need to find the proper balance in this area too. I cannot do this on my own, and I don't want to try living life on empty again. So today I'm stepping back a little and making sure that I'm taking time to refuel.
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Wait and See
Tonight I completed my second step study. I’m so grateful for all that God has done in me through Celebrate Recovery. As I began to dig deeper, I discovered that throughout my life I faithfully pulled the “surface weeds” of my flaws, but they kept resurfacing. I worked hard trying to maintain that perfect image & was determined to hide my imperfections from others, but the harder I tried, the more failed. In this study God began doing for me what I’ve never been able to do for myself. He started pulling all the ugly weeds by their roots. I’m still a work in progress and have a long ways to go, but there is still hope – God isn’t through with me yet.
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Just where I am
I gave my testimony tonight. Though I wasn’t as anxious as I have been in the past, it was very difficult to get through. First there were technical difficulties with microphones. UGHUG. Somehow I didn’t let that get to me and pushed through. But I broke down sharing about my sponsor and all that she did for me. I miss her so much. Her loss is still so heavy on my heart. I’m past the bitterness and anger, but I miss her and our special times together. I’m realizing that I need to fill the missing link in my support team, but I’m not sure that I’m ready. I think I’m intentionally procrastinating because I’m not wanting to let go or open a new chapter. Maybe I’m afraid of losing another sponsor. My first one left the ministry, and now this. I feel so weak. I wish that I was stronger, but then again, maybe my weakness is what keeps me humble and dependent on God. I realize that I cannot do this on my own. I must rely on His strength.
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Beauty For Ashes
It’s been 4 weeks since my last entry. On June 21 the fresh wound of my sponsor’s death, was ripped open again. Since then I have been avoiding my feelings by trying not feel anything. I have felt very disconnected. I have allowed deceptive thinking to pull me down and resentment to form. The past few weeks I have been going through the motions but hitting a road block in ALL areas in my life.
Yesterday, I shared my heart with my accountability team. I finally allowed myself to
Yesterday, I shared my heart with my accountability team. I finally allowed myself to
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