New Growth Takes Time

For most of my life I've tried to maintain a perfect image. I was obsessed with how others saw me, and feared they might view me with the same negativity that I viewed myself. I had many acquaintances, but let few people get to know me. I constantly felt the need to portray my "super mom" image. Even during my lowest points, I appeared to have it together and others were amazed at all that I was "able to accomplish".  But truth be told, I wasn't able to live up to my unrealistic expectations or the image longed to portray.

My recovery journey has been quite the opposite experience.  I threw away my church mask and am learning to be transparent. I allowed others to see the messiness and ugliness I created, and you know what, they have held my hand on this journey. I have developed true accountability and been blessed with the most amazing friendships.

Last night I was so blessed to hear an amazing Celebrate Recovery testimony. I was reminded that I have to deal with the roots of my issues.  Alcoholism was only a surface issue, I need to go deeper.  My fear to disappoint and insecurities have entangled me far longer than the wine.  I only turned alcohol to ease the stress and mask the pain.

Navigating through recovery is a long journey.  To continue moving forward, I must look at my past a bit more closely.   Just as I find victory in one area, God seems to peel back another layer that needs to be addressed. I've come so far, yet have a long ways to go.  Not that long ago, my life appeared ruined from the storm that surrounded me.  My branches were damaged and so much of my life was pruned away, even my ministry.   That part was painful.

Last night's testimony restored a new sense of hope.   The lady shared of how many lives that God allowed her to play a small role in the healing process.  I love how God takes our mess and turns it into a message to reach others.  He isn't finished with me.   I feel inspired knowing that God still has a plan for my life.  He is truly transforming me from the inside out and new growth is appearing. Even though I feel inadequate, I'm learning that my value comes from God and that He longs to use me to make a difference. The transformation is a slow process, but it's a beautiful sight to see vibrant growth, where so much damage has taken place.