Sitting here in silence, I strain my ears to hear that still small voice. I long to hear His voice, but all too often I miss it. The chaos of the day ahead is already echoing in my mind: lessons to be taught, bills to paid, and all the needs only a mommy can meet. It’s so easy to lose focus and get distracted in the business of life. John 10:27 says, “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.”
When my daughters first started talking, the world around me faded. All that mattered was hearing and understanding what they were trying to say. All distractions were tuned out as I strained to hear the only voice that mattered. I remember the sadness I felt if I missed hearing their new words for the first time. There was a sense of urgency as I rushed home to hear their new words first hand.
I have these same feeling today. As I look around I keep meeting women that have learned to hear His voice in way I seldom hear. I’m tired of missing the precious words of my Savior. I know He is talking, but for some reason I’m not tuned in. “Be still and Know that I am God,” (Psalm 46:10). I’m trying to slow down and be intentional about listening to His Words & truly hearing His voice,.
Father God, I know that when I seek you, I will find you when I search for you with my whole heart (Jeremiah 29:11). Guide me on this journey to knowing you more. Help me to set aside what I think I know, so that I can fully know you. Take away anything in my life that is holding me down. Search me [thoroughly], O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there is any wicked or hurtful way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139:23-24)
ow you.
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Monday, October 14, 2013
Unfailing Love - Christ Tomlin
Sometimes I feel there is something important missing from my prayer life. It’s like I’m going through the motions rather than truly connecting. I know that part of this is an attack. There is always a heaviness around the time I’m sharing my testimony, but I still feel like the disciples when they said “Teach us to pray” (Luke 11:1).
I also know I have a history of relying on myself. I was taught from an early age to be independent and take care of myself, but this self-reliance developed into an attitude of arrogance. How many times have I turned things over to God, only to take it back and do things my way? What I a mess I made, trying to control my life! I believe God allows us to experience trials (he doesn’t cause them) so that we come to know Him better and rely on Him. It’s during some of the roughest storms that I’ve
I also know I have a history of relying on myself. I was taught from an early age to be independent and take care of myself, but this self-reliance developed into an attitude of arrogance. How many times have I turned things over to God, only to take it back and do things my way? What I a mess I made, trying to control my life! I believe God allows us to experience trials (he doesn’t cause them) so that we come to know Him better and rely on Him. It’s during some of the roughest storms that I’ve
Saturday, October 12, 2013
Something in my Eye
This
morning I went to the eye doctor. For
the past week my eye has been bothering me. It was itchy, watery, and felt like
something was trapped under the eyelid.
I tried flushing it out several times, but nothing helped. I decided to over-look it for a few days,
maybe it would heal itself. Denying I
had a problem didn’t work out well, so this morning I finally sought help. The doctor quickly identified the problem, a
small speck in my eye. For those of you
that know me, I get a bit sarcastic. The doctor and I were both laughing as he
tried to remove it. I was still laughing
when he said he would apply a local anesthetic to my eye and do a simple
surgery to remove the speck. Then, I
realized he was serious. Evidently that
small speck I had been ignoring, embedded itself under the surface of my
eye. OUCH! Now my eye is scratched and has an open wound
from the removal process.
Why
did I overlook this speck? It was so small I couldn’t see it and self-examination
didn’t reveal a problem. I needed help, but didn’t reach out. When I finally did, the small problem had grown
into a much bigger problem.
Jesus tells
us to first take the plank out of your own eye,
and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. The thing is, sometimes we need to help identifying the
problem. I’m so thankful for my
accountability team. They are there to
help me take inventory of my life and clear away the obstructions. They help me see more clearly.
Friday, October 11, 2013
Open Me
I’m sitting here today so grateful for all that I have been blessed with and delivered from. There is a new level of excitement and hunger about me. I’m ready to dig even deeper. I truly want to become more like Him and develop my relationship with Him beyond what I’ve known. My desire is to grow in intimacy with my Savior. I know in turn that will overflow into the lives of those I'm sponsoring/ mentoring.
I've decided to enter a Christian mentor-coaching program. I want someone to walk along side me on this journey and challenge me to dig deeper and help me to mature in my walk. It's time "grow up in my salvation" & learn tools in maintaining a conscious contact with God. Sometimes, OK alot of the time, I get tunnel vision and need someone to help me regain focus & look at things from a different perspective. I desire this type of mentorship and know that God wants to brighten my light in way that He can use me more. Please pray for me during this season, I'm expectant of great things.
I've decided to enter a Christian mentor-coaching program. I want someone to walk along side me on this journey and challenge me to dig deeper and help me to mature in my walk. It's time "grow up in my salvation" & learn tools in maintaining a conscious contact with God. Sometimes, OK alot of the time, I get tunnel vision and need someone to help me regain focus & look at things from a different perspective. I desire this type of mentorship and know that God wants to brighten my light in way that He can use me more. Please pray for me during this season, I'm expectant of great things.
Thursday, October 10, 2013
My Accountability Team
For so many years I lived by my strength trying to maintain my “perfect image.” I loved God and desired to serve Him with my life, but somehow my vision got blurred. My life became more focused on what I was doing than who I was doing it for. My service took priority over my devotion. What started out as a refreshing splash of water eventually turned into a downpour and before I realized it, I was in over my head.
Looking back, I see the warning signs. At one point I even reached out for help, but I thought my life was too messy. My pride kicked in and I was determined to fix things on my own. But I couldn’t, I didn’t have the strength. My life was out of balance because I had stretched myself too thin. As my life spiraled out of control, there was no one there to hold me up. Why? Because I never let anyone past that perfect image I worked so hard to maintain. One of the biggest blessings of Celebrate Recovery is that I now have a team of women that I can lead on when future storms come my way. I love my Celebrate Recovery forever family.
Looking back, I see the warning signs. At one point I even reached out for help, but I thought my life was too messy. My pride kicked in and I was determined to fix things on my own. But I couldn’t, I didn’t have the strength. My life was out of balance because I had stretched myself too thin. As my life spiraled out of control, there was no one there to hold me up. Why? Because I never let anyone past that perfect image I worked so hard to maintain. One of the biggest blessings of Celebrate Recovery is that I now have a team of women that I can lead on when future storms come my way. I love my Celebrate Recovery forever family.
For lack of guidance a nation falls,
but victory is won through many advisers.
Proverbs 11:14
Monday, October 7, 2013
The Way home - A Princess Story (By Max Lucado).
Today, during our homeschool day, we read The Way Home a Princess Story by Max Lucado. Wow. It brought tears to my eyes as I related to the princess that had wandered off. I felt like I was reading my testimony in the format of a children’s book. The story is about Princess Ann, a girl that was adopted into royalty but still intrigued by the land beyond her castle walls. She sets off to explore a world not meant for a daughter of the king. It’s hard to imagine someone slipping or choosing to leave a palace, but it happened to me. As I was looking for respite from a busy life, I strayed from the right path.
The enemy gets Anna alone and entices her. All too soon she found herself entrapped by the forest; she was lost. She found the consequences more than she could bare. Only a few years ago I found myself in a place where I too was in over my head. For me, what started off as a refreshing splash of cold water, quickly turned into a downpour. I isolated myself from others. I built walls to hide my depression, worries, and alcohol usage. I felt the need to masquerade through life pretending to have it all together. This isolation caused a void that led me deeper into to depression, resulting in the vicious cycle of needing one more glass. Thus, my abuse of alcohol began.
But her father, the king, wouldn’t let her slip away that easily. He was determined to find her and rescue her. People were shocked that the king was willing to go into the forest to find her. They judged her because she chose to leave. How could a Christian knowingly continue in the sin of drunkenness? There is no way a Christian could be controlled by an addiction. "The worries of life, the deceitfulness of wealth, and the desires for other things come in and make us unfruitful"(Luke 4:19). Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death."(James 1:14-15).
I love the king’s response, “She has been my daughter much longer than she has been with them.” The king was willing to do whatever it took to rescue her. That kind of reminds me of the parable of leaving the 99 to find the one sheep that wandered off. God still sees value in the one that wanders off!
The king eventually finds Anna and invites her to come home, but she just stands there in shame. I chose this. I deserve this. My sins are too great. All lies that enemy kept whispering to me, trying to keep me down.
“But you weren’t made for this,” replies the king. The creator of the Universe kept calling out to me because He still lovesd me. Nothing can separate us from the love of God.
The king sacrifices his life for her freedom. God sent His Son to pay the price for me. “If we are faithless, he remains faithful, for he cannot disown himself” (2 Timothy 2:13). Wow, I love that verse.
Anna didn’t understand, “I can’t go back. I don’t know the way.” When I stepped out of denial, my life was disorganized and all over the place. It was like a huge jigsaw puzzle, with all the pieces scattered on the table. It was so overwhelming.
“Stay with me,” the father invited. “I’ll show you the way home.” I didn’t realize God was sitting next to me, helping me put the puzzle together. He led me home. Today, the story of my life is no longer defined by the mistakes I made. It’s about the grace and unconditional, never giving up love of my Savior and how he was willing to do whatever it took to get my attention & rescue me.
The enemy gets Anna alone and entices her. All too soon she found herself entrapped by the forest; she was lost. She found the consequences more than she could bare. Only a few years ago I found myself in a place where I too was in over my head. For me, what started off as a refreshing splash of cold water, quickly turned into a downpour. I isolated myself from others. I built walls to hide my depression, worries, and alcohol usage. I felt the need to masquerade through life pretending to have it all together. This isolation caused a void that led me deeper into to depression, resulting in the vicious cycle of needing one more glass. Thus, my abuse of alcohol began.
But her father, the king, wouldn’t let her slip away that easily. He was determined to find her and rescue her. People were shocked that the king was willing to go into the forest to find her. They judged her because she chose to leave. How could a Christian knowingly continue in the sin of drunkenness? There is no way a Christian could be controlled by an addiction. "The worries of life, the deceitfulness of wealth, and the desires for other things come in and make us unfruitful"(Luke 4:19). Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death."(James 1:14-15).
I love the king’s response, “She has been my daughter much longer than she has been with them.” The king was willing to do whatever it took to rescue her. That kind of reminds me of the parable of leaving the 99 to find the one sheep that wandered off. God still sees value in the one that wanders off!
The king eventually finds Anna and invites her to come home, but she just stands there in shame. I chose this. I deserve this. My sins are too great. All lies that enemy kept whispering to me, trying to keep me down.
“But you weren’t made for this,” replies the king. The creator of the Universe kept calling out to me because He still lovesd me. Nothing can separate us from the love of God.
The king sacrifices his life for her freedom. God sent His Son to pay the price for me. “If we are faithless, he remains faithful, for he cannot disown himself” (2 Timothy 2:13). Wow, I love that verse.
Anna didn’t understand, “I can’t go back. I don’t know the way.” When I stepped out of denial, my life was disorganized and all over the place. It was like a huge jigsaw puzzle, with all the pieces scattered on the table. It was so overwhelming.
“Stay with me,” the father invited. “I’ll show you the way home.” I didn’t realize God was sitting next to me, helping me put the puzzle together. He led me home. Today, the story of my life is no longer defined by the mistakes I made. It’s about the grace and unconditional, never giving up love of my Savior and how he was willing to do whatever it took to get my attention & rescue me.
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Whom shall I fear
A few months ago I attended a prayer meeting where a lady said she saw a path in front of me with many obstacles. Some of the obstacles were bigger and heavier than others. She said God was going before me moving those obstacles out of the way. How true this is in my life. There were so many obstacles that God moved out of the way. Even when I thought God had abandoned me, He was
Saturday, October 5, 2013
Another testimony
Last night I gave my testimony again. Throughout the day, I was full of peace. Praise God. I’m amazed at how he is transforming me. I will admit I was taken back when I saw my sponsor’s empty seat. It was the first time I’ve attended her CR since her passing. I got a little choked up talking about her, but I looked for comfort to the ladies that came to support me. I have truly been blessed by an amazing support team. I'm so thankful for His peace that surpasses all understanding that directed me this evening. I’m beginning to understand that my testimony isn’t really about me at all. It’s about the grace and unconditional, never giving up love of my Savior and how he was willing to do whatever it took to get my attention & rescue me.
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