What is your value to God beyond what you are doing? That’s the question my mentor asked. I was speechless. I have a history of basing value or worth on actions and often only feel valuable when I’m doing something. During seasons of waiting or sitting still, I often feel worthless. Why is this the case?
The world often identifies people with what they do: I’m a teacher, I’m a salesman, a banker, etc. Somewhere along the broken road I allowed my identity to become entangled with this mindset and my service for God took priority over my relationship with him. I found myself in a cycle where I was no longer able to achieve the unrealistic expectations that I set for myself. All I saw was my failure and I assumed that’s all God saw too. I was hanging on by my last thread. What I discovered when I finally let go, is that He was still holding me. Nothing that I was doing affected that.
That blew my mind.
Why didn't he let go? I had knowingly continued in sin and didn't deserve another chance. For the first time in my life I began to understand grace. This has nothing to do with me. It’s all about him.
The world often bases value by how much someone is willing to pay for it. WOW! I must be really valuable because God paid the highest price of His son, while I was still a sinner. He was willing to sacrifice so much just to have a relationship with me.
“Very rarely will anyone die for a unrighteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:7-8 New International Version (NIV)
But why? What is God’s value system? What does he see in me? He sees me as His creation. He sees a reflection of himself – I was created in his image. He sees me as extension of himself. All too often I forget this as I shift the focus onto me and what I’m doing. In reality it’s all about him. When he looks inside me, inside my broken pot, He sees a “treasure” – his precious son. “But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.” (2 Corinthians 4:6-8 NIV)
I’m valuable, because I’m His child. He delights me. Just as I take joy in helping my children he is there with arms open wide. Only when I take a step back and invite in him to an area, do I truly open myself up for grace.
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:7-10 NIV)
I’m finally beginning to grasp that I need more of him and less of me. God doesn’t need me to perform, to do certain things. He needs me to discover who He created me to be. When I truly turn everything over, even my fears and weaknesses, that’s when he is able to shine through me. That’s when I become the most valuable – not only to God, but to those around me.
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Monday, January 6, 2014
I've been delivered
At times I still feel like I'm missing something with my connection to Him. I desperately want to hear his voice and be guided by him but all too often I get distracted. My Mentor challenged me to recall the areas that I have been delivered from. So here goes.
I have been delivered from so many things, but for some reason this if difficult to put into words.
Alcoholism - I know in CR it's proper to say a recovering alcoholic, but in Christ old things have passed away and I have become a new creation. For years I used alcohol to ease the stress and numb the pain, God has completely delivered me from the desire and addiction.
Being a child of divorce - So many times my parents were on the verge of divorce and I often prayed that my parents would split up. Today I'm grateful that God saved me from being a product of divorced parents.
Divorced with children - My first marriage was on the rocks, even before it officially began. My ex husband tried to convince me that a child would fix our marriage. I’m so grateful a child didn't have to suffer from our mistakes.
Loneliness – After my divorce I felt like a failure, I felt alone and abandoned. God carried me through that difficult season and even blessed me with a second chance at love, even though I didn't deserve it. When I hit my rock bottom and tragedy hit, I felt abandoned but God kept reaching out comforting. Even as I tried to push him away due to my feelings of unworthiness, He was faithful when I wasn't. He was my strength, when I had none. Through my recovery journey He has also blessed with true friends that will hold my hands through the ups and downs.
Bankruptcy - We were in debt over our heads but God provided a way out. The timing of selling the boat, which was technically a second home, was miraculous. As my hubby's job downsized we only had enough cash to make a few months payments. Our broker laughed when we explained our desperate situation. He said not to expect anyone to look before spring, yet the boat was sold in a matter of weeks. A few years later, our home sold to the first person that looked at it and then the same thing happened to my parents allowing them to relocated here to help me on my recovery journey.
Hell -The debts I owe – He sent His Son to pay my price. He died so that I may live.
Depression and feelings of a life not worth living. He didn't let me drown in my sorrows.
Bitterness and resentments – For so many years I carried this heavy baggage – especially with my mom. God has delivered me from this and given me grace to overflowing. My once judgmental attitude has been changed to a heart of grace.
Fear, Anxiousness and worry – This is a huge one. I was brought up to be fearful, but for the first time in my life I am experiencing his peace. This is another one that is difficult to explain, but I have a supernatural peace right now.
I know that there are many many things I've been delivered from that I’m not aware of. He is my protector. I’m learning to trust him. All too often I've leaned on my own understanding. I truly want to lean on Him with everything.
I have been delivered from so many things, but for some reason this if difficult to put into words.
Alcoholism - I know in CR it's proper to say a recovering alcoholic, but in Christ old things have passed away and I have become a new creation. For years I used alcohol to ease the stress and numb the pain, God has completely delivered me from the desire and addiction.
Being a child of divorce - So many times my parents were on the verge of divorce and I often prayed that my parents would split up. Today I'm grateful that God saved me from being a product of divorced parents.
Divorced with children - My first marriage was on the rocks, even before it officially began. My ex husband tried to convince me that a child would fix our marriage. I’m so grateful a child didn't have to suffer from our mistakes.
Loneliness – After my divorce I felt like a failure, I felt alone and abandoned. God carried me through that difficult season and even blessed me with a second chance at love, even though I didn't deserve it. When I hit my rock bottom and tragedy hit, I felt abandoned but God kept reaching out comforting. Even as I tried to push him away due to my feelings of unworthiness, He was faithful when I wasn't. He was my strength, when I had none. Through my recovery journey He has also blessed with true friends that will hold my hands through the ups and downs.
Bankruptcy - We were in debt over our heads but God provided a way out. The timing of selling the boat, which was technically a second home, was miraculous. As my hubby's job downsized we only had enough cash to make a few months payments. Our broker laughed when we explained our desperate situation. He said not to expect anyone to look before spring, yet the boat was sold in a matter of weeks. A few years later, our home sold to the first person that looked at it and then the same thing happened to my parents allowing them to relocated here to help me on my recovery journey.
Hell -The debts I owe – He sent His Son to pay my price. He died so that I may live.
Depression and feelings of a life not worth living. He didn't let me drown in my sorrows.
Bitterness and resentments – For so many years I carried this heavy baggage – especially with my mom. God has delivered me from this and given me grace to overflowing. My once judgmental attitude has been changed to a heart of grace.
Fear, Anxiousness and worry – This is a huge one. I was brought up to be fearful, but for the first time in my life I am experiencing his peace. This is another one that is difficult to explain, but I have a supernatural peace right now.
I know that there are many many things I've been delivered from that I’m not aware of. He is my protector. I’m learning to trust him. All too often I've leaned on my own understanding. I truly want to lean on Him with everything.
You have delivered me from all my troubles,
and my eyes have looked in triumph on my foes. (Psalm 54:7)
and my eyes have looked in triumph on my foes. (Psalm 54:7)
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