Day 214:
Dear God, Search me, O God,know my heart, test my thoughts. Point out anything you find in me that makes you sad & lead me along the path of everlasting life (Psalm 139:23-24)
How I long to be right with you, to be made whole. So many times in my life I get sidetracked by the things of this world. I often waste more time chasing after desires or trying to find a way to accomplish things that don't really matter in the big picture. Meanwhile I fail to spend quality time with you. As a result the intimacy & passion I once had, has faded. Even now procrastination creeps in. I'm at the crossroads of my recovery and the time has come to begin a daily journal inventory. Over the past few days, I have sat down to start this process numerous times, but I'm hesitant to begin.
Part of me is afraid that this will be another journal that I start, but fail to continue. I see this pattern in my life. My passion grows and I truly begin to mature in my walk. I step out in faith and am used by you to make a difference. I'm on the path and moving in the right direction, but then.... I get distracted. It's always a gradual process. I'm so busy running the race, that I don't realize the path is getting bumpy. And then, before I realize what happens.... I've fallen. "So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall" (1 Corinthians 10:120.) I am broken within, Let your light shine on all the darkness in my life. Your grace is sufficient for even me and your power is made perfect in my weakness (2 Corinthains 12:9).
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Thursday, June 28, 2012
The Gift of a Friend
Day 212: God is so faithful. In 1997 I met my best friend. It was a praise & worship gathering at Texas A&M. Worship had started. For some reason (possibly the Holy Spirit) I deiced to move during the service. I ended up next to her. Our friendship was instantaneous.
I feel like the luckiest person in the world to have a true friend like her. She loves me, despite my shortcomings. We've laughed uncontrollably, cried hysterically, and have been there when life through some major curve balls.
Last week I shared a resentment that I had been carrying for a few months. Parts of my recovery, or what brought me to recovery are still very painful to talk about. I felt betrayed. Honestly, the situation wasn't as big as it seemed, but it hurt.
I feel like the luckiest person in the world to have a true friend like her. She loves me, despite my shortcomings. We've laughed uncontrollably, cried hysterically, and have been there when life through some major curve balls.
Last week I shared a resentment that I had been carrying for a few months. Parts of my recovery, or what brought me to recovery are still very painful to talk about. I felt betrayed. Honestly, the situation wasn't as big as it seemed, but it hurt.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Making Amends: I love you Anyway
Day 189: Making amends is something that I have done for my recovery. This is so much more than an apology. It’s restoration. As I let go of my past hurts and guilt, I’m able to find true freedom. For the firs time, I can truly let go & let God have control of my life and my will. Only now can He restore me, my broken relationship, my broken dreams.
Before I was able to accomplish this, I had to let go of my expectations. I can only control my actions and take responsibility for my mistakes. I have no control how my amends is received. In some cases restoration might not take place. All I can do is humbly offer my amends. If someone chooses to hold a grudge or not to forgive, that is now their baggage to carry. I am now free. I don’t have to keep dragging around the heavy burdens associated with guilt and shame.
Before I was able to accomplish this, I had to let go of my expectations. I can only control my actions and take responsibility for my mistakes. I have no control how my amends is received. In some cases restoration might not take place. All I can do is humbly offer my amends. If someone chooses to hold a grudge or not to forgive, that is now their baggage to carry. I am now free. I don’t have to keep dragging around the heavy burdens associated with guilt and shame.
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