In this song Laura asks the question, “what if the trials of this life, the rain, the storms, the hardest nights, are Your blessings in disguise?” I believe God allows us to experience trials (he doesn’t cause them) so that we come to know Him better. He loves us so much so that He allows us to make choices and lets us attempt to rely on our own strength, but He is always there to provide a way out. In the process we realize that we must rely on Him. Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life (Psalm 138:7).
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Monday, August 27, 2012
First Day of School Tears
The first day of school came way too quickly. Where does time go? Summer flew by. I knew the day was coming, but I wasn’t
ready. I have been cramming in as any
mommy and daughter activities as possible, but I still wanted more.
This morning, I was proud of my 8 year as she walked into
her classroom. She is so independent
and becoming more responsible. But I’ll admit I hid the tear in my eye behind
my over sized sun glasses. I feel
emotional because she is growing up and capable of doing so much on her
own. Pretty soon, she will no longer
need me to do things for her.
Then there is my baby.
I cannot believe that my baby is starting kindergarten. I’m so used to her burying her head against
my knee and wrapping her arms around my legs.
She’s shy and needs me to hold her and comfort her. How will she make it all day without me? How will I make it without her?
The school day is just beginning and I already miss them so
much. I miss being part of their
educational journey. I miss the sweet
conversations that take place and how their eyes light up as they discover new
things. I miss being there during the
proud moments as they master difficult skills.
Through this season in live I’m trying to look at the
positive side of things and not focus on what has been taken. Though I miss home schooling so much, I know
that this season of life is a season of refueling. I have a minimal amount of responsibilities,
so I can continue focusing on my recovery and preparing for the areas that God
is calling me to give back. I can focus
most of my efforts on seeking Him.
After the initial tears I was able to have a devotion time
with my husband and then a personal quiet time.
I’ve been able to work on things for Celebrate Recovery. All of this in a quiet house, without
interruptions. Honestly, I’m thankful
for this time, this bubble that I’m in.
I will treasure it. And though I
miss them, I know it’s best that my daughters are school, for this season. WOW. I
never thought I’d say that.
I know that I need to learn to depend more on God and allow
Him to be the source of my happiness. For many years my life and joy have
solely revolved around children. My
identity must be grounded in Him, not my role as a mother. With each day, my
children will depend on me less and less, but with each day, I’m learning to
depend more and more on my Heavenly daddy for fulfillment.
“It’s not only children who grow. Parents do too.
As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are
watching us to see what we do with ours. I can’t tell my children to reach for
the sun. All I can do is reach for it, myself.”
Joyce Maynard
Joyce Maynard
Find Your Wings (Mark Harris)
Thursday, August 23, 2012
In My Daughters' Eyes
So many thoughts
are racing through my mind as I try to write to write my testimony. As each day passes, alcohol means less and
less to me. The desire has faded. Even when I’m around it, I’m no longer
consumed with feelings of missing out.
On the surface that feels good, but I don’t want to take my sobriety for
granted. I know that is the first step
on the slippery slope of relapse. There
was tremendous loss as a result of my addictions, and that is one path that I
don’t want to venture down.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Becoming His Masterpiece
Ephesians 2:10
" We are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so
that we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” We have been created by the Master Artist and
we are priceless. As we look in the
mirror we need to see what God sees. He
created us in His image so we should see His reflection, but too often we get
focused on ourselves. Until we allow
God to chisel us into what he desires, we miss out His purpose in our lives.
I have failed God more times than I would like but He still
loves me and continues to mold me into who he created me to be. Becoming God’s masterpiece isn’t an easy
process. It’s painful; it takes
time. As I spend more time seeking Him,
I keep discovering new areas that I need to involve God. Each dark area of my life that I allow His
light to shine, the scary shadows start to fade away. I’m learning to trust Him with all of
me. I want Him to mold me into the image
of His son, a true master piece.
Becoming God's Masterpiece (By the Skit Guys)
Friday, August 17, 2012
Thy Word
I’m a bit high strung and always on the move. I talk fast, walk fast, even eat & drink
fast. Though this doesn’t sound like a
big deal, I sometimes try the same approach with my relationship with
Jesus. I try to rush through my quiet
times and sometimes fail to retain what He’s trying to teach me.
God loves us so much and longs for us to spend time with Him. He desires an intimate relationship. He gave us His love letter. As we read it and take the time to truly
understand it, we come to know Him. We
must slow down and focus on being intentional as we meditate on the Word of
God.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Celebrate Recovery Step Study Graduation
My Celebrate Recovery Step Study was a life changing
event. I’ve experienced freedom from
hurts and habits that were controlling my life.
I’ve learned to let go of things, things that I have held onto and
couldn’t let go. I’ve forgiven others
and let go of resentments. I’ve made
true friends that love me, in spite of my flaws, and have gained accountability
partners. But most importantly I’m learning
to trust God with everything.
This has been the most amazing time as I have developed a
deeper relationship with Jesus. I’m so
excited to see what God has in store as I’m learning to live beyond the broken
road.
Here is the letter I wrote to God at the beginning of my
step study. I'm amazed that God gave me so much more than I could have imagined.
Dear God,
Change my heart! Open the eyes of my heart. I want to see you; I want to hear you. It’s been way too long. I feel so empty & so distant. How can I
be the wife and mommy that I need to be, if I’m not being the daughter that you
created me to be? For so long I have bee
trying to do things on my own. I haven’t
been trusting in you. Though I have been surrounded by people, I guess my pride
has kept me from turning to them & asking for help. I had to keep my image as “Super Mom.’ My Friends were always impressed and said that
they couldn’t do all I was doing and keep up with all I had on my plate. Turns out… I couldn’t do it either.
How I wish I hadn’t tried to do it on my own, how I wish I hadn’t set my
expectations so high, and how I wish I hadn’t turned to alcohol to hide my
pain!
I long to hear you
voice again and have that connection with you.
I know your Word and what you expect of me, but I’m so spiritually weak,
that I don’t have the strength to do it.
I can’t do this with my strength.
I need yours. I have hit rock
bottom. I feel that I have fallen too
far from Grace by continuing in the sin, even though I knew it was wrong. I know that I don’t deserve another chance,
but I’m asking and ready to truly surrender all to you. Here is my prayer:
Psalm 40:12-17
For troubles without
number surround me; my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see. They are more
than the hairs of my head, and my heart fails within me. Be pleased, O LORD, to
save me; O LORD, come quickly to help me. May all who seek to take my life be
put to shame and confusion; May all who desire my ruin be turned back in
disgrace. May those who say to me, “Aha! Aha!” be appalled at their own shame. But
may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who love your
salvation always say, “The LORD be exalted!” Yet I am poor and needy; may the Lord think of me. You are my
help and my deliverer; O my God, do not delay.
Monday, August 13, 2012
Spiritual Blinders
I’m not sure where I heard the saying, but it holds true for
me. “When my mind wanders, it sometimes
brings back souvenirs.” Sometimes I get
so distracted, and struggle to focus on what I’m reading or listening to.
Yesterday, I was very distracted during worship. It seemed like the more I tried to focus on
the words I was singing to my Savior, the more I started thinking about the errands
I needed to run or what we were eating for lunch. Unfortunately, this isn’t something that only happens at church. This mind wandering takes place during conversations
with friends and even my quiet times. I
have good intentions, but get distracted with planning the day’s activities.
When this happens, I begin to feel like Peter, when he fell
asleep. “Couldn’t you
men keep watch with me for one hour?” Jesus
asked Peter. “Watch and
pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the
flesh is weak.” (Matthew 26:40-41).
I desire to seek my Father more intently, but my flesh is so weak. I confess this often, but am starting to get
frustrated at myself. I love what Joyce
Meyer’s says about this matter. “Think
about something on purpose. If you give the devil empty space, he will fill it.”
I need to become more disciplined in mind
and not let it wander to whatever it pleases.
I must start intently focusing on His Word. I find that reading my devotions out loud,
helps in this matter. I actually have to
think about the words I’m reading. I
also keep a piece of paper beside me. If
I think of something, I write it down.
This gives me freedom to worship and mediate, without worrying about
forgetting something that needs to be done later. The Bible tells us to submit to God. At the
same time, we learn that when we resist the devil, he will flee (James 4:7). When I realize that I’m getting distracted, I
often tell the devil to “leave me alone. This is my time with God, and there is
no room for you.”
I’m thankful that I serve a God who is patient and truly knows my heart and thoughts. I’m honest with Him and am asking for His strength to stay focused. He desires a sincere & honest relationship with me more than he wants me to just go through the motions.
Most driving and carriage horse wear blinders. This prevents
them from looking at the side or trying to turn around and see things that are
behind. They keep the horse from getting
distracted or spooked by new objects on the streets. Blinders help horses to
concentrate and keep looking forward, to focus on where they are going. My prayer today is for spiritual
blinders. I want to focus on where God
leading, not where I have been. I don’t
want to get distracted by things of the world and miss the destination that God
has in store.
Thursday, August 9, 2012
I love My Celebrate Recovery Family
This evening when I left for
Celebrate Recovery, I jokingly told my husband I’d be home by midnight. Little did I
know how close to truth this would become.
Though the program ended at 9:30,
I stood around and chatted with several friends. I so enjoyed this time. I’m amazed at the relationships that are
forming. I’m becoming friends with women
from all walks of life. Never before
have I known this kind of joy in friendships, and I’m grateful that it’s overflowing
into some of the relationships that I had long before CR.
For those of you
not in Celebrate Recovery, you may be wondering what that is.It’s a place to celebrate God's healing
power in our lives through the 12 Steps of recovery and the "8
Recovery Principles" from the Beatitudes.
God calls us to bear each one another's burdens, and Celebrate Recover sets the stage for this to become a
reality.
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
It's Time to Pick Up the Lord's Towel
For many years my service to God took priority over my
relationship with Him, but for most of my recovery I have been in a
bubble. Most of my focus has been on me
and my recovery. I believe that I
needed this time. For the past few
years, I have done very little for me. I
have been so busy with life and serving others, that I neglected my mind, soul,
& body. Now is a season of
refueling. I’m so blessed to have this
time to truly be drenched in His presence, as He continues to mold me in the
woman I’m becoming.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Step 12 - Practice These Principles in all Our Affairs
Day 252: Slowly, I’m learning to practice the 12 step principles in
all of my affairs, not just the ones that brought me to CR. God wants to transform all of me, and I’m trying
to surrender all to Him. This is a daily
and lifetime commitment, not just for the season of this step study. I pray daily for guidance, because I cannot
do this on my own.
Sunday, August 5, 2012
What is Real
Yesterday we
watched the movie of one of my favorite books.
Typically the movie versions of books frustrate me. Though I wasn’t disappointed with the
Velveteen Rabbit, there were many differences since it was only inspired by the
book. So today, we read the book.
The following is the
dialogue where the horse tells the rabbit about the progression of becoming
"real"
"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse.
"It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long
time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."
Friday, August 3, 2012
The Velveteen Rabbit
Today the girls and I watched the Velveteen Rabbit. This is one of my favorite children’s
books. Though the movie is only inspired
by the book, it still holds true to the message: love makes us real.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Hanging on By A Thread
Have you ever found your self in the wrong lane where you accidentally
make a wrong turn? Even while using a GPS,
it is possible to get lost. Do you blame
your car or your GPS when you navigate off
course? Or do you realize that you are responsible for the mistake?
God allows us to experience trials (he doesn’t cause them) so
that we come to know Him better. “No temptation has overtaken you except such
as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted
beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of
escape, that you may be able to bear it” (1 Corinthians 10:13). He loves us so much so that He allows us to
make choices and lets us attempt to rely on our own strength, but He is always
there to provide a way out. In the
process we realize that we must rely on Him.
God didn’t cause me to fall, but he was the solution to
piecing my brokenness back together. “If
we are faithless, he remains faithful, for he cannot disown himself” (2 Timothy
2:13). His way out is not what I would have planned,
but I’m amazed at his faithfulness. I hate that it took something this big to
wake me up, but God only allowed me to venture away so far. His hand of protection was still there. As I was desperate, and longing for healing,
he led me to discover my Celebrate Recovery program the day my step study
began. When we realized that we needed to downsize,
our home sold to the first couple that looked at it. Then the same thing happened for my parents,
and they relocated here to help me on my recovery journey. God
knew how broken I would become, and before I spiraled out of control he placed
a CR leader in my path. He even placed
an adult child of an alcoholic in my life.
Though I never talked to her about my struggles, I’m still amazed that
God placed her in my life before my fall.
As children of God, we must remember that He never leaves
us. His love is unconditional. If we stray, He is calling us back to Him. God still gives his best to
failures. In the story of the prodigal
son, who wasted many years, the father brought out the best robe to welcome his
son home. Not only does he forgive us of our failures, he promises to "not even to
remember [our] sins any more" (Heb. 8:12). All we have to do is repent and receive
His healing, by faith.
Arms That Hold the Universe
I know it seems
Like this could be
The darkest day you've known
But believe you me
The God of strength
Will never let you go
He will overcome, I know
And the arms that hold the universe
Are holding you tonight
You can rest inside
It's gonna be alright
And the voice that calmed the raging sea
Is calling you His child
So be still and know He's in control
He will never let you go
Through many dangers, toils and snares
You have already come
His grace has brought you safe this far
(And) His grace will lead you home
And the arms that hold the universe
Are holding you tonight
You can rest inside
It's gonna be alright
And the voice that calmed the raging sea
Is calling you His child
So be still and know He's in control
He will never let you go
You can hope, you can rise, you can stand
He has still got the whole world in His hands
You can hope, you can rise, you can stand
He's still got the whole world, the whole world in His hands
And the arms that hold the universe
Are holding you tonight
You can rest inside
It's gonna be alright
And the voice that calmed the raging sea
Is calling you His child
So be still and know He's in control
He will never let you go
He will never let you go
(He's) Still got the whole world in His hands
in His hands, yeah
Still got the whole world in His hands
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Unreal
Why are artificial
ingredients added? They are added to
enhance the taste of food, improve appearance, & give foods better texture
and consistency. Preservatives are also added to prevent spoilage. As a result, all of these artificial
ingredients cause more harm than good.
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