Step 2: Courage

Day 49: I feel hopeless and have felt this way for quite sometime.   I tried to reason with myself.   I had to accept that business and stress were part of this season of life and I would have to face them on my own.  My hubby was busy trying to rebuild after a major career change.   This wasn't something we expected & truly caught us both off guard.  I tried to manage everything to the best of my ability, but always fell short of my expectations.  I turned to wine, not for hope, but to ease the pain & loneliness.  In reality, this was only for a moment that I found hope,  this temporary fix caused me to fall deeper into the pit of depression.  Thus the cycle began,  I needed just 1 more glass to ease the pain.

Today I feel that I have angered God as I knowingly continued the sin of abusing alcohol and diet pills.   Though it's been 49 days since I've used either of those, I am still struggling with an eating disorder. The abuse of diet pills has been the easy fix for many years, but it wasn't until the summer of 2011 that it wasn't enough.  I became obsessed.  Not only was my hubby working outside of our home, gone most nights, he now had a single female, toothpick of a boss.  My insecurities caused my irrational thoughts to consume me.  I realize that the mixing of these habits with wine, was a deadly combination.  I feel that I have ruined my life and those around me.  

•  Principle 2: Earnestly believe that God exist, that I matter to Him, and the He has the power to help me recover.  "Happy are those who Mourn, for they shall be comforted." (Matthew 5:4)
•  Step 2:   I came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity.  "For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose." (Philippians 2:13)

Courage (Superchick) 

What I do know is how I changed my life forever

I know I should know better

There are days when I'm okay

And for a moment

For a moment I find hope

But there are days when I'm not okay

And I need your help

So I'm letting go

I need you to know

I'm not through the night

Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light

I need you to know

That we'll be okay

Together we can make it through another day

You should know you're not on your own

These secrets are walls that keep us alone

I don't know when but I know now

Together we'll make it through somehow

Together we'll make it through somehow