What is your value to God beyond what you are doing? That’s the question my mentor asked. I was speechless. I have a history of basing value or worth on actions and often only feel valuable when I’m doing something. During seasons of waiting or sitting still, I often feel worthless. Why is this the case?
The world often identifies people with what they do: I’m a teacher, I’m a salesman, a banker, etc. Somewhere along the broken road I allowed my identity to become entangled with this mindset and my service for God took priority over my relationship with him. I found myself in a cycle where I was no longer able to achieve the unrealistic expectations that I set for myself. All I saw was my failure and I assumed that’s all God saw too. I was hanging on by my last thread. What I discovered when I finally let go, is that He was still holding me. Nothing that I was doing affected that.
That blew my mind.
Why didn't he let go? I had knowingly continued in sin and didn't deserve another chance. For the first time in my life I began to understand grace. This has nothing to do with me. It’s all about him.
The world often bases value by how much someone is willing to pay for it. WOW! I must be really valuable because God paid the highest price of His son, while I was still a sinner. He was willing to sacrifice so much just to have a relationship with me.
“Very rarely will anyone die for a unrighteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:7-8 New International Version (NIV)
But why? What is God’s value system? What does he see in me? He sees me as His creation. He sees a reflection of himself – I was created in his image. He sees me as extension of himself. All too often I forget this as I shift the focus onto me and what I’m doing. In reality it’s all about him. When he looks inside me, inside my broken pot, He sees a “treasure” – his precious son. “But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.” (2 Corinthians 4:6-8 NIV)
I’m valuable, because I’m His child. He delights me. Just as I take joy in helping my children he is there with arms open wide. Only when I take a step back and invite in him to an area, do I truly open myself up for grace.
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:7-10 NIV)
I’m finally beginning to grasp that I need more of him and less of me. God doesn’t need me to perform, to do certain things. He needs me to discover who He created me to be. When I truly turn everything over, even my fears and weaknesses, that’s when he is able to shine through me. That’s when I become the most valuable – not only to God, but to those around me.
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