It’s been said that when your pain becomes greater than you fear you are ready for change. That was what it took for me to step out of denial with the alcoholism. For so long I tried to maintain the perfect image. I was too prideful to ask for help. Thus began the vicious cycle of one more glass to help me relax, to get through another day.
Even in this current storm I have been hindered by fear. I hate seeing how my past has been misconstrued in such a way that it is still causing pain to the people I care about most. I once again admit that I’m powerless.
My daily prayer is the serenity prayer – The serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I cannot control the events that our happening, but I seek God for grace and guidance to know my part.
As I pray, as I cry out to God to help me, his response isn’t what I’ve wanted. He has given me exactly what I needed a season to help others. I have a purpose and am used by him.
“ It’s never too late to be who you might have been.”
For problems far too big for me to solve are piled higher than my head. Meanwhile my sins, too many to count, have all caught up with me, and I am ashamed to look up. My heart quails within me. Please, Lord, rescue me! Quick! Come and help me! Confuse them! Turn them around and send them sprawling—all these who are trying to destroy me. Disgrace these scoffers with their utter failure!
But may the joy of the Lord be given to everyone who loves him and his salvation. May they constantly exclaim, “How great God is!”
I am poor and weak, yet the Lord is thinking about me right now! O my God, you are my helper. You are my Savior; come quickly, and save me. Please don’t delay! (Psalm 40:12-17 TLB)
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