My friend is fully aware of my addiction and would never intentionally put me in an uncomfortable situation. But somehow I built things up in my mind and started thinking about the possibility of being around alcohol.
My thoughts became consumed with alcohol, so much that eventually I dreamed about drinking again. That scared me; it angered me. My initial reaction was to isolate. I was so embarrassed that I was still dealing with this. But I know better than to keep thoughts like this to myself so I shared with my accountability partner and husband. But the desires continued and I was still craving a glass of wine. I shared my struggle with my open share group, but still no relief. As I prayed, I knew that I had to guard myself and the trip was not an option at this time.
I reached out to my sponsor. Love her advice & reminders. "That won’t be the last time you will think about drinking, but God is helping create healthy boundaries of where you can go and do well and where you can’t. Once you tell your friend that you aren't going, the obsession should subside. It’s just part of the disease/flesh. As long as you don’t drink – It’s a good day!"
Great advice but do I really have to tell my friend??? The old me tried to sneak in. I’ll just make an excuse not to go. After all, I already the trip is the same day as the opening to the Celebrate Recovery movie Home Run. She would understand. But just as the thoughts crossed my mind, I knew it was not the right response. The Bible says to “confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” I want to be healed. With tears, I told my friend the truth and immediately peace came. Of course my friend was full of grace and understanding.
I’m so thankful that I don’t have to walk this road alone. I’m amazed at the peace I have. I have been blessed with the most amazing support team. God is holding my hand and delivering me and making me stronger.
Oh Lord! You are my refuge and deliver. I come to you with all my struggles and pain. You give me your peace that surpasses all understanding. You take my brokenness and heal me. You are my hiding place.
You Are My Hiding Place (Sara Groves)
Early when the day is new
Before the stirring
I will come and talk to you
And confess the ways I am broken
To recall the words you've spoken
And to try to comprehend
The love you have for me
You are my hiding place
You fill my broken heart with songs
Songs of deliverance
You sing of how the weak are strong
You never meant for me to walk alone
You are always for me
As the truest lover of my soul
You hear my desperate calling
You have kept my feet from falling
And have set me on this rock on which I'm stand now
You are my hiding place
You fill my broken heart with songs
Songs of deliverance
You sing of how the weak are strong
And I believe you
For you've saved me from my darkness and my shame
And I believe you
For I hear your song of beauty (??-through the) pain
As the truest lover of my soul
You hear my desperate calling
You have kept my feet from falling
And have set me on this rock on which I'm stand now
Before the stirring
I will come and talk to you
And confess the ways I am broken
To recall the words you've spoken
And to try to comprehend
The love you have for me
You are my hiding place
You fill my broken heart with songs
Songs of deliverance
You sing of how the weak are strong
You never meant for me to walk alone
You are always for me
As the truest lover of my soul
You hear my desperate calling
You have kept my feet from falling
And have set me on this rock on which I'm stand now
You are my hiding place
You fill my broken heart with songs
Songs of deliverance
You sing of how the weak are strong
And I believe you
For you've saved me from my darkness and my shame
And I believe you
For I hear your song of beauty (??-through the) pain
As the truest lover of my soul
You hear my desperate calling
You have kept my feet from falling
And have set me on this rock on which I'm stand now
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