It seems with each step God slowly peels back another layer of my life. Unfortunately each layer has new areas that need to be exposed to His light, and with each layer there seems to be a new layer of denial to address. I’m getting really tired of this denial topic. Will it ever be a thing of the past?
In addition to still trying to run things in my own power, I have underlying fears that are holding me back. I fear not being in control. I fear having too much control. I fear not being taken care of and lack of security. I fear not being good enough, failing, and unworthiness. This constant struggle of relying on self all stems from me not trusting God wholeheartedly. When I have these feelings, in a sense, I’m saying that Christ wasn’t good enough. He was made perfect so that I don't have to be. I need to truly turn my life over to His control.
I’m realizing that I still have lots of character defects that need His attention. They have deep roots. All this time I have been faithfully pulling the “weeds” in my life. I have worked so hard trying to maintain that perfect image. As each issue resurfaces I deal with it, I find a way to make it go away. But each time, they resurface. My self-reliance has failed me, but God is ready to do for me what I’ve never been able to do for myself. I have finally reached a point where I am ready to let God pull all the ugly weeds by their roots.
During my first step study I honestly thought that it was all downhill at this point. I was so wrong. Step 6 is the step that separates the women from the girls. This is where I “voluntarily submit to every change God wants to make in my life.” I’ve been trying to run things my way for so long that this step seems a bit overwhelming, but I’m so ready to take this step.
Father God, I'm desperate for you. I'm reaching out. I need you now.
If We Ever Needed You - Casting Crowns
Hear our cry, Lord, we pray
Our faces down, our
hands are raised
You called us out,
we turned away
We've turned away
With shipwrecked
faith the idols rise
We do what is right
in our own eyes
Our children now
will pay the price
We need Your light,
Lord, shine Your light
If we've ever
needed You
Lord, it's now,
Lord, it's now
We are desperate
for Your hand
We're reaching out,
we're reaching out
All our hearts, all
our strength
With all our minds,
we're at Your feet
May Your kingdom
come in our hearts and lives
Let Your church arise, let Your church arise
If we've ever
needed You
Lord, it's now,
Lord, it's now
We are desperate
for Your hand
We're reaching out,
we're reaching out
We're reaching out
If we've ever
needed You
Lord, it's now,
Lord, it's now
We are desperate
for Your hand
We're reaching out,
we're reaching out
If we've ever
needed You
Lord, it's now,
Lord, it's now
We are desperate
for Your hand
We're reaching out,
reaching out
We need You now
Revive us now
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