I talked with my sponsor and she suggested that I might be
experiencing depression. NOT ME. I’m happy.
I’m recovered. I’m doing great. The suggestion put me on the defense. How dare her.
But truth be told, I think she is right. Depression causes spiritual withdrawal, and
that’s what I’m experiencing. In the
past, this would be the time that I slowly start to isolate myself, and try to
hide my pain. But through Celebrate
Recovery, I’ve learned that being
transparent with my sisters (accountability team), is essential. Bottling up my feelings can be self
destructive and quickly take me back to the broken road.
I’m realizing that God is continuing to heal me. He is the great physician and is
accomplishing this on His time schedule not mine. I also know that this first year of sobriety
has many “firsts”. Some of those milestones
are wonderful, but some are a time of mourning.
Right now I’m mourning the loss of a relationship that I took for
granted. I thought this special young
lady would be part of my forever family.
Her birthday is next week, and I’m heartbroken that I cannot be with
her.
I’m allowing myself to grieve. With this sense of loss there is still a
small amount of self pity, but I’m thankful that God has healed me from the
anger, guilt, & shame. I must
remember that night does not last forever and joy comes in the morning. During this healing and transformation, I am
not going to allow the enemy to steal my joy.
For many months, the joy of my salvation was very faint. I can maintain,
even while allowing myself to grieve.
God never promised that there would be no sorrow, but He has promised to
be my comforter and is here to wipe away my tears.
I can relate.
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