Today, I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed. Leading a group is so beyond my comfort zone. I’ve even questioned God and myself about leading this step study. Every time I pray, I receive peace. It’s only when I start thinking about it, start focusing on my abilities (or lack thereof) that fear arises.
I’m so thankful that God is patient with me and reassures me. “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:8-9)
Last night I was so amazed at the incredible women that are taking this journey. I can’t explain it, but the feeling was so different than beginning of my previous step study. Obviously I’m looking at this experience through different eyes, for I’m not nearly as broken as I was. But the main thing that amazed me was how much everyone shared about what brought them to this step study. They are so open. Everyone’s story is so different, yet a bond is already starting to form.
I’ll admit that I began to feel inferior, even felt that one of the participants was more qualified to lead than me. Then someone asked if they could hear my entire testimony. I realized that some of the women don’t even know my story. Then my mind began to wonder and the what if’s started to creep in. What if these women knew? What if the truth about my alcohol addiction surfaces and more consequences are given? How can I lead this, when I’m not even ready to share the details of my story? What if the storm moves in?
Though I don’t understand why, I know that God clearly wants me here right now. I trust his lead. I’m beginning to realize that God is going to use this experience for me and my healing.
Father God, Lead me on this journey. I trust you, I’m following you. This is yet another chapter in my story, in the story of what you are doing in my life.
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