Another essential part in moving past denial is complete transparency with my accountability team. When I share my thoughts and open my heart, they can identify the warning signs quicker than me. When I’m not transparent, I find myself it the scary pitfall of relapse. "Confess you sins one to another and pray for each other that you may be healed "(James 1:5). I want to be healed.
In the past I didn’t handle pain and disappointment very well. I would take it out on my husband and those closest to me. I attempted to mask the emotions with a few glasses of wine. Though it helped relax me, it was a coping method I used to avoid my issues. It was a way for me to stay in denial. As I’m stepping out of denial, I’m learning to address issues and disappointments quickly, so that no resentments take root. I’ve come so far, but there is still a-long way to go. At times, I still struggle with obsessing over disappoints and negative thoughts about myself. One day at a time, I’m learning to surrender all areas to God, but often don’t let go long enough for transformation to take place. One major difference is that I no longer isolate myself during difficult times, as I’m learning to be transparent with my support team.
For years, I’ve tried to do things my way. I never intended to harm myself, but my delusional thoughts have kept me trapped in denial. I have hidden behind a false sense of pride, though I’ve always been consumed with inferior feelings. I’m ready to start seeing myself how God sees me. I’ve taken my body for granted and have not been treating it as I should. So I’m breaking the effects of denial by learning to view myself through God’s eyes and treating my body in a healthy way. This begins with eating healthier so that I’m not tempted with my eating disorder, but also includes maintaining an awareness of my thought life. My body is His temple – a beautiful creation that should be treated with honor.
I'm Moving On (Rasal Flatts)
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