Instantly, the tears came as I recalled some very special people. Passion stirred up for part of my life that has been pruned away, as I began missing my forever family. I quickly prayed and thanked God for taking care of them and protecting them.
Then my thoughts turned inward. Throughout my recovery journey God has restored so much of what was lost. He hasabundantly restored more than I could have imagined. I’m so grateful and in awe of God’s mercy, but there is one hole that still cries out. From an early age my passion for adoption was real; it was “what I was made to do.” This passion was so real and part of me, everything in my life stemmed from this. In a sense, that was the beginning of my downfall. Somewhere along the journey I got so focused on what I was doing that I forgot why I was doing it. My service for God took priority over my devotion to Him, as I attempted live life in my own strength. Needless to say that it didn’t work out, and I turned to destructive coping mechanisms in attempt to stay afloat.
Last year I met with one of our senior pastors to share “my story.” The grace that was shown played an important part in helping me eventually forgive myself. I vividly remember the pastor assuring me that God still had a plan for me as he prayed restoration over my life. I walked away refreshed with a new sense of peace, but deep down I accepted that my forever family would never be restored.
Wow! Was I really trying to put limitations on God? My sponsor always challenged me to look at things from a different perspective, to see things through God’s eyes. Today I discovered that restoration of “my forever family” was right in front of me. It looks so different than what I pictured or desired that I overlooked its significance. But today the message rang loud clear – Celebrate Recovery is my forever family.
Today my outlook is different, my ministry is restored, & my passion is renewed. “I refuse to sit around and wait for someone else to do what God has called me to do myself. I refuse to stay unchanged, to wait another day to die to myself. I refuse to make one more excuse.” I’m honored to train new leaders and know that God will be with me every step of the way.
I Refuse (Josh Wilson)
Sometimes I
I just want to close my eyes
And act like everyone's all right
When no, they're not
This world needs God
But it's easier to just stand and watch
I could say a prayer and just move on
Like nothing's wrong
But I refuse
Cause I don't want to live like I don't care
I don't want to say another empty prayer
Oh I refuse to
Sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me to do myself
Oh I could choose
Not to move
But I refuse
I can hear the least of these
Crying out so desperately
And I know we are the hands and feet
Of You, O God
So if you say move
It's time for me to follow through
And do what I was made to do
And show them who you are
Cause I don't want to live like I don't care
I don't want to say another empty prayer
Oh I refuse to
Sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me to do myself
Oh I could choose
Not to move
But I refuse
To stand and watch
The weary and lost
Cry out for Him
I refuse
To turn my back
And try and act like all is well
I refuse
To stay unchanged
To wait another day
To doubt myself
I refuse
To make one more excuse
Cause I don't want to live like I don't care
I don't want to say another empty prayer
Oh I refuse to
Sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me to do myself
Oh I could choose
Not to move
But I refuse
I refuse
I refuse
Yeah
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