"Bless the Broken Road" has always had a special meaning for
my husband and I, but holds a deeper place in heart after this past year. Somewhere along the way, I forgot the importance of maintenance. As a result my life was on the broken road, once again. My husband has stood by me through the good times and the bad. I'm thankful that God has blessed us, even during this season.
Ten year ago today, he asked me to marry him. We were on a cruise somewhere in the Caribbean. After dinner he handed me a rose, took me to a table in a secluded area, read a poem/ proposal that he had written, got down on one knee, and asked me to be his wife. I was speechless, had tears in my eyes, but didn't hesitate to put on the gorgeous ring.
Ten year ago today, he asked me to marry him. We were on a cruise somewhere in the Caribbean. After dinner he handed me a rose, took me to a table in a secluded area, read a poem/ proposal that he had written, got down on one knee, and asked me to be his wife. I was speechless, had tears in my eyes, but didn't hesitate to put on the gorgeous ring.
The
Proposal
From
the beginning, I had no idea what God had arranged,
but in a moment both our lives were forever changed.
First an e-mail, then our first dance...
Now I've found true love and know nothing was left to chance.
Without knowing what was in store,
we both prayed for something more,
and no matter where life takes us now,
I couldn't imagine a day going by without you in it somehow.
I honestly thought something this special could never come true,
but for all the years we've survived, I'm even more thankful for you.
I so look forward to the memories we'll make,
all the family trips with our kids we'll take...
I've committed myself to you until my final day,
to be by your side no matter what life brings our way.
I thank God for every precious moment we share, and my love know this
I'll unconditionally love you for as long as I live, and that's my promise.
Now for commitment sake, after Christ I dedicate to you my life,
and ask from you the same, to accept my ring, and become my wife...
but in a moment both our lives were forever changed.
First an e-mail, then our first dance...
Now I've found true love and know nothing was left to chance.
Without knowing what was in store,
we both prayed for something more,
and no matter where life takes us now,
I couldn't imagine a day going by without you in it somehow.
I honestly thought something this special could never come true,
but for all the years we've survived, I'm even more thankful for you.
I so look forward to the memories we'll make,
all the family trips with our kids we'll take...
I've committed myself to you until my final day,
to be by your side no matter what life brings our way.
I thank God for every precious moment we share, and my love know this
I'll unconditionally love you for as long as I live, and that's my promise.
Now for commitment sake, after Christ I dedicate to you my life,
and ask from you the same, to accept my ring, and become my wife...
Today, what stands out the most is, no matter what life brings our way, he’s
committed to me. How he has proved those words true! He has stood by me through my recovery, and
will be standing by my side, after this storm passes. I now realize that he is my rock that I lean on. It wasn’t until his career & schedule
change, that my life spiraled out of control.
Please, don’t think I’m trying to place blame on him, because I am the
on responsible for my addictions. I just realize how much I depend on him.
For most of 2010 & 2011 I was running with way too much on my
plate. I was homeschooling my girls,
teaching preschool out of my home, teaching an algebra class at co-op, &
caring for our foster children. I tried
to keep up with all of this, even when my husband’s career & schedule changed. He was no longer home in the evenings. I was on my own, and tried to live life on
my own. I was strong, but not as strong as I thought. I did take on
too much. As I got caught up in the business of it all, my quiet times
faded, my focus shifted. My love & devotion to God were still
important and a major part of my life, but somehow my service took higher
priority than my devotion. I was weary, I needed respite, but I kept
moving. I thought I was going forward, but somehow I was back on the
broken road.
At the end of the day I needed to unwind. In the
past, I was able to unwind by sharing the stress of the day with my
husband. But with his new career, he wasn't there. I was alone. I
was lonely and felt guilty about it, but I had no time for me. I felt
guilty about wanting to get a babysitter to go out while my husband was
working, so I didn't. I longed to relieve
my stress, and eventually turned to wine as a source of relaxation. I was
working so hard, I deserved a glass to unwind. It began so innocently,
but spiraled out of control. Mix that with my abuse of diet pills; the
picture wasn’t good.
God loved me so much that he wouldn't let me stay there
long. Looking back I can see little warning signs that I ignored.
He tried to get my attention. It took something this big to
"wake me up". I'm not proud of the things that occurred, but
I'm so thankful for lessons that I've learned. And I'm thankful that He
rescued me from the broken road.
I don't want to ever go down that path again.
For the first time in my life, I'm setting up true accountability and learning
to be real. That's one of the reasons I put everything out here, my
thoughts, my heart. I treasure the wisdom
and discernment that I’m receiving in feedback. So often it’s just what I need to hear and
confirms something that God has already placed on my heart. I'm starting to see the big picture, and
just waiting on God to fill in the details of when and where :)
I understand the recovery high and know that is part of my
feelings, but I also know that there is freedom in restoration. In other
words, this isn't a new feeling; it's the restoration of my dreams, my calling.
I dedicated my life into the ministry when I was 16. That has looked
different through the years, but one thing has been missing for a long
time. I will try to put it into words.
When I shared my inventory, I was shocked at how my first fiancé, a pastor, made his way on there.
At the time, I really thought it was about releasing some of the
resentments that I carried as a result of the break up. There was a time that I felt guilt; maybe I
missed out on the man God intended for me. Maybe I missed the mark. I hadn’t dealt with that in the past decade and didn’t know
where it came from. I have been married to my husband for 9 years,
and have never doubted that he was the one for me, the man of my dreams.
This breakthrough has put it into perspective. It had
nothing to do with the man; it was the ministry portion of my life that got
left behind. At that period in my life, God spoke through me
numerous times to touch peoples' lives. I would speak things that I didn't
understand, and pray for things that I had no knowledge of. I was
in tune with God, and He was using me for greatness.
Since that time, I have tried to fill my life with different ministries, trying to find my true calling. Though God was using me, and I was making difference, I failed to reach my potential. The miracle has come, restoration is taking place. God is restoring me to something great, greater than I was before. He's longed to do this for a long time, but I wasn't ready.
For the first time in 14 years, I see God speaking through
me again. On Thursday night I noticed a confidence and boldness about me.
At CR, there were 2 different women that
I spoke with. As I shared my story it was amazing how I happened to say the
right words at the right time. That's not me. That's all Him. I exchanged
info with one lady and have been praying for her. I shared my prayers in
an e-mail, and received a touching response from her this morning.
It's little things like this, that my Daddy uses, to confirm my future. Today,
I am loving life, beyond the broken road.
Bless The Broken
Road ( Rascal Flatts)
I set out on a narrow way, many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
Yes He did
I think about the years I spent, just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost, and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there, you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
But now I'm just rolling home into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
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