My little Cinderella clings to her “special blanky.” She takes it every where. It’s a comfort that helps her overcome stress and anxiety; it also helps her relax and sleep better. She loves her blanky, and so do I. I smile when she holds it close, for I know she feels happy & secure. I feel so special & important when she allows me to hold her most treasured possession.
Yesterday, I had to hand over one of my security blankets. It was very difficult, but needed to be done. There was tremendous loss as a result of my alcohol abuse. Something was suddenly ripped from our family and left a large wound. I’ve struggled with bit of an identity crisis as I have tried to adjust to the loss.
At first I held the initial reactions of denial & disbelief. I tried to silence my emotions and grieve inwardly. "I’m the mommy, I had to be strong." But pretending that my pain didn’t exist, didn’t make it go away. Slowly, I acquired anger and sadness, which led to depression. Then I allowed my self to mourn. I finally allowed God to heal me. Eventually I was able to forgive myself. That self imposed guilt was the most difficult stage to overcome.
Even though the grieving stage had passed, I’d been holding on to one final reminder of what was taken. These “comfort items” were things that I could physically hold, as I strolled down memory lane. At times the memories would bring tears to my eyes, but other times they brought joy and laughter.
I’m so thankful that I didn’t have to do this on my own. God has been my comfort. He’s helped me understand that healing doesn’t mean forgetting. What was taken, will always be part of me; though the wound has healed, the scar remains.
I also didn’t have to hand over my “security blanket” alone. “Rochelle” drove me to the appointment and we spent most of the afternoon together. There was something rejuvenating about going through this experience together. She allowed me to express my feelings. She comforted me. She listened. We shared tears & laughter. She even unintentionally forced me to face another dark corner surrounding this loss. I was able tie up another loose end that I had buried. This was the closure I needed. This chain has been dangling in front of me, but now the clasp has been put in place, and the beginning and end of this chapter of my life are like one unending chain.
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