The abuse of alcohol is a huge issue, one that affects every
area of your life. The damage is extensive
& cannot be I fixed over night. Repair
takes time. Slowly, I see restoration taking
place in my life. When God restores
something it will not only be better than it was before, it will look different.
I’m hesitant to share about my date last night. The Bible says to, “decide never to put a
stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother” (Romans 14:13) & I pray that what I intend for
good, Satan does not use for evil, as a temptation to someone still struggling
in their recovery.
For most of my marriage, my husband and I have enjoyed
wine. We have been to countless wine
tasting events and often visited vineyards while on vacation. Any time we went to a nice restaurant, we
shared a bottle of wine. So I’ll be
honest, when I envision a romantic night out with my husband, I still see the
pretty wine glasses in the picture.
This has been part of my marriage from the beginning and not
something to be ashamed of; for most people it’s not an issue. I was one of those people for a long
time. Then something changed. I lost control. For a person overcoming an alcohol
addiction, that first drink opens the door to a second, to a third. I can’t go back. I love how Rochelle puts it,
“Pickles can’t go back to being cucumbers.” I’m the pickle. I’ve crossed that line. Though my husband can still enjoy a nice
glass of wine, I can no longer share that experience with him. Our marriage looks different now, but God is
restoring it to something beautiful.
Early in my recovery, I was jealous of those that were
capable of controlling their drinking. I
would sit at restaurants and focus on how many people were enjoying their “drink
of choice”. What’s wrong with me? Why
can’t I do that? How did I let something
like this control me? Would one drink
really hurt? These thoughts tormented
me, & it’s taken me awhile to put them to rest. I really had to get my “stinking thinking”
in line.
Last night was a victory for me. It’s the first time that I’ve been out and
truly had no desire to drink. Even when
the waiter brought over 2 glasses of champagne to celebrate our special
evening, the desire to drink wasn’t present!!!! My sweet husband apologized; he hadn’t
considered the possibility of them bringing out alcohol. He even promised to take care of that when
making future reservations. I just
smiled. I’m so blessed to have a husband
that is protective of me.
On Saturday, I was wandering through
Mardel’s and the clerk asked if she could assist me. How was she going to help me, when I didn’t
know what I was looking for? How many times do we live life this way? We roam around without a destination in
mind. How many times do we get lost,
because we fail to plan or have direction in our journey? I didn’t plan for all of the stress that came
our way. I didn’t plan how I was going
to manage life, when my husband started working evenings. I never thought about taking care of myself,
when I was trying to take care of 5 children, alone. When
the stress and trials came, I didn’t have an escape route in place.
The escape route is an important plan for someone that has
overcome an addiction. For most of my
recovery I have been in a bubble, I’ve avoided alcohol. But I’m beginning to venture out. I’m a
little afraid to share the rest of my date, I’m afraid that some might not hear
the essential planning that took place.
We didn’t just happen to be driving along and end up in a bar; we had
a plan of action.
My husband and I have always enjoyed dancing together. After dinner, he really wanted to take me
dancing but wasn’t sure if I was ready to go to a bar. He took the time to research things and
discovered that one of our former dance instructors was giving lessons nearby,
but it was at a bar.
So we discussed the idea.
Some key things we considered in our discussion.
- I had accountability - I was going with my husband, not alone. He was there to hold me accountable.
- I wasn’t alone - He agreed not to consume alcohol while on our date. I would not be the only person not drinking.
- Trigger points - drinking was never a big deal when I went dancing – sometimes I consumed alcohol, but most of the time I drank water.
- The Purpose - We went to a place were drinking wasn’t the focus. Though some were drinking, most people were there for the dance lessons.
- The Escape – If I felt uncomfortable we would leave. It wasn’t a big deal.
Since I had a plan of action, I was never worried about the
what ifs. I felt relaxed. It didn’t seem
strange as we ordered our bottles of water.
Turns out, we had a blast, so much fun that my husband forgot to close
our tab.
It may seem a bit extreme, but I’m always mindful of
potential relapse. This daily awareness
that I have been given is a gift, a gift that I don’t want to take for granted.
So many people stay true to their recovery, during a 12 step program, and
relapse later. I realize that serious accountability
starts now.
No comments:
Post a Comment