Yesterday’s entry conveyed, “The very moment that I became
open and started seeking His heart, the words just started flowing. I
couldn’t stop them.” That is so true
this morning. I started off with my
thoughts on what journaling means to me, which led me to wonder how God might
use me & my journey to help others.
I prayed for guidance on what direction to give back. I even e-mailed my
pastor discussing this very issue. Then,
my sponsor came to mind.
She has been in Celebrate Recovery for almost 10 years & her testimony is powerful. God has used her to coach numerous women throughout the years. I know some of her former sponsees, and I’ve heard some of the nuggets of wisdom & discernment that she has shared with them.
Lately, I have had a feeling of disappointment about her
role in my life. Instead of going to her,
I have carried this in the back of my mind. I rationalized what I perceived as lack of
involvement, to her needing a break; she’s been at this for 10 years. And of all people, I understand needing a
break.
Rather than harbor these feelings any longer, I felt that I
needed to make amends, but wasn’t really sure what that meant. Yesterday, I asked my accountability partner
to pray for me concerning this. Being
the great accountability partner that she is, this morning she asks me if I had
come up with anything & what I was going to do about it. That’s
my “Rochelle”, always inspiring me to action.
So I began asking myself the “CR” questions. I can honestly say that I don’t feel “hurt”
or “wronged” by my sponsor. I have not,
and do have resentments toward her. But
I have been disappointed. I’m not sure
what I expected from a sponsor, but I have felt that something is missing.
At this point, I decided to reread our sponsor agreement
form. As I looked over the 6 roles of a
sponsor, I realized that she has lived up to EVERYTHING on there. I didn’t expect that. I
honestly thought that I would write her a letter, justifying my feelings, quoting
something from that form.
The entire time that I wallowed in disappointment, I didn’t
realize that she has done all that she agreed to, and all that I have asked of
her. Why do I keep letting Satan plant those distracting
seeds of doubt in my mind? Why do I stew
over something, instead of bringing the “issues” at hand, to light?
She has been there to discuss issues that I’m not ready to
share in a group. She has modeled Christ’s
grace and forgiveness. She has given me
a sense of perspective. She has been
there to encourage me as I work the principles. In addition to seeing her at the
main CR meetings & open share time, she has led me through these principle,
on a weekly basis. She has made herself available
in times of crisis.
Reading that list makes me wonder, what else could I
possibly want. The only thing that has
been lacking, or what I perceived as lacking, is our personal meeting times. Typing those words allowed me to see the big
picture. God is so awesome! He puts all the puzzle pieces in front of us.
Slowly, it all comes together. He doesn’t
rush us, he moves at our pace, as we allow Him too.
The past few months I have embraced my accountability
partner. Together we became each other’s
sounding board. We have shared this
journey & collaborated on how to work our recovery. She was the one I shared the rest of my
inventory with. As a result, we have developed
the kind of friendship, that few are blessed enough to experience.
Today, she and I are powerful team, and I have no doubts
that God is going to use us for greatness.
That part of the puzzle has yet to be put together, but we are beginning
to see the big picture.
So the following is the letter to my sponsor, I’m speaking
for “Rochelle” too, I hope that she
doesn’t mind me dragging her into this.
LOL!
Dear Sponsor,
It’s amazing how God put you in my life, in our
lives. You are both of our sponsors. Thank you for being our
guide. You are the one that we come to, for insight on avoiding relapse;
you are much farther down your sobriety journey. Thank you for continuing
to model the lifestyle of recovery. Thank you for letting God be
God. You sat back and watched how things evolved. You didn’t
interfere with what He was doing in our lives, but kept assuring us that the
miracle was just around the corner.
And once again, I’m amazed at how God sees the big picture. I never doubted that you were the right sponsor for me. You were the only person that I could have possibly trusted and shared my story with, while I was still in that fragile state.
Thanks again for inspiring me. You
have played a major role in helping get to a place where I can now say,
that I’m well on my road to recovery.
Love, Hope
Even more amazing: Her response
Dear Hope,
I love this email because I knew it
was coming. You and "Rochelle" are the FIRST sponsees that I have had in ten years
that I hears God say... Leave this one alone, i have it. So I forces myself to
let the two of you go and be there ONLY when you reached out to me.. And that
was rarely...but you had each other and I saw you three times a week and was
privileged to watch the two of you grow WITHOUT ME. And let me tell you it was
hard for a control freak to do. I can honestly say that had God allowed me to
play a bigger role in your recovery you would not be as far along as you
are. I've not ever seen God work recovery the way he did for you and "Rochelle" and
what God showed me through it all was that He doesn't NEED any of us
experienced leaders... We only need Him.
Love, Sponsor
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